Addiction
by JaneIsles
Summary: They tried to forget each other but everything changed when Stacy starts to work in the PPTH again and they have to deal with all of their feelings. They want to stay apart, but they always end up together, because there's a forbidden addiction HOUSESTACY
1. Can't let go

Addiction: Chapter One – Can't let go

She feels nervous on this wonderful spring morning. A light chilling breeze touches her face through the open window when she sees the well known building showing up in front of her. When she reaches the parking spaces, there's already one waiting for her. She smiles for a short moment, Cuddy was fast this time. She sits in her car, hands on the steering wheel, taking a few deep breaths with a look on the hospital. Her new work, again.

Lisa Cuddy offered her a job and she agreed without thinking about it twice. She agreed immediately and felt afraid about explaining this to her husband. She figured out that he won't be very pleased about the fact that his wife is going to work with her ex-lover, he's probably jealous.

„But if he loves me," she thinks. „There's no need for him to be",and again, she has to ask herself if there's anything to worry about.

„And, do I really love him?"

She always wanted to love him and sometimes, she thinks that she does, but she never forgot about her hidden doubts she had because of their marriage.

Out of her car, she feels the fresh morning breeze filling her lungs with cool air, and she starts to walk through the familiar entrance and to Lisas office.

It's empty and she couldn't find someone she recognises when a young brunette with a white coat, that explains she might be a doctor, starts to talk to her.

„Excuse me, can I help you?" she wants to know.

„Oh, I'm looking for Dr. Lisa Cuddy, you know where I can find her?"

Of course she knows where to find her own office, but she wants to talk to Lisa for a moment before she starts to work.

„No I don't sorry, she might be in a meeting or something like this," she answers.

„You know where I can find House then?" she asks and is angry with herself at the same moment. Actually she doesn't want to see him.

„You're a patient?"  
„What? No, I'm not..."

„I can page him if it's important," the young doctor offers, but the other woman refused.

„No thanks. It's okay. You don't have to," Stacy answers and is vey glad to see Lisa walking out of the elvator.

She smiles when she sees her and embrases her.  
„It's very nice to see you", Lisa says. They always stayed in contact and talked a lot, but never about Greg. She always managed not to do, especially when her husband was around.

„Let's go in there" she says and Stacy follows Cuddy into her office.

„It's nice to be here again," Stacy says and looks around.

„Are you really okay?" Lisa asks with a comforting look.  
„Of course, why shouldn't I?" she answers a bit too fast and with a friendly false smile.

„I mean, between you and... House?" she wants to know with a careful question.

„I think we can handle it, we talked about everything before I left the last time, I think it'll be okay".

The truth is that she didn't tell him that she'll work in the hospital again and there are a lot of unsaid things between them.

„I'll hope so for you" she answers.

„I don't know why everything has to be so complicated..." Stacy starts. „It would be so much easier if..."  
„What?"

„I don't know. I think I'll go to work now, that's why you gave me this job. Anything I should know? Anything changed?"  
„No, it's all like it was and I think you still know where to find your office?" Cuddy wants to know.

„I think so, thanks. See you later Lisa." Stacy answers and leaves the office.

Cuddy lays her face in her hands and let's out a long breath, asking herself where this will end up.

„We got a patient" House says to his assistants while he enters the room, throwing the file on the table.

He waits for them to tell him the symptoms so that he could notice them on the board when Cameron changes the topic.

„There was a woman looking for you this morning," she starts.

„Did she look good?" he asks in his usual voice and when he notices that he won't get an answer to his question, he goes on.

„Damn, she might noticed that I „forgot" to pay her yesterday." Everyone, except Cameron laughs.

„That was a joke," he adds with a look at Cameron. „Of course I paid her!"  
He wasn't sure if they believe that he really spends his night with prostitutes, but if they believe this is true, he doesn't care.

„Can we go on now?" House asks.

„She asked me if I know where she can find Dr. Cuddy and when I told her that I've no idea where she hangs around, she wanted to know where you are."

„Maybe I was a bit too unfriendly with the old Lady yesterday and she wants to sue me..." he explains more to himself, staring into the air.

„She wasn't old," Cameron tells him.

„What?" he asks, taken back to reality.

„I said she wasn't old and she said that she's not a patient."

„That's interesting," he says and this time, he seems to be truely interested. He tries to figure out who would look for him if not a patient. His mother? Can't be, she's old. Someone from university? Probably not. Due to the fact that all of his friends work in the hospital, he can forget about this. But what about an ex-girlfriend? There's been one...

„What did she look like?" he asks.

„I would say she looked good. She had short brown hair and I think she had brown eyes too..." with every detail, Cameron tells him, the picture of Stacy becomes stronger in front of him.

„...and she wore something that looked like a crucifix," she ends and he knew that she's there and than, there's the question why she's there.

„I'll be back," he says. „Try to find out what kills our patient, I wanna hear something useful when I'm back."

With this words, he leaves his doctors back in the room with a surprised look on their faces.

„What was that?" Foreman wants to know. „Do you think he knows who's this woman?"  
„It looked like," Chase answers. „I really wanna know what's going on there."  
„And you never saw her before?" Foreman asks the other doctor.

„No, not that I know."

He sits in his office and tries to think about the things Cameron told him. He hasn't seen her, but the description seems to fit and she always wears her so loved crucifix. On the one hand, he feels angry, because he doesn't want to have her here and on the other hand, the wish, that she's really here grows. He almost hopes it, because the disappointment would be hard if it's not her. He always tried to forget what she did to him and the pain it caused. He tried to deny his feelings he had and still has for her. He refused her although he loves her, but she won't be lucky with him and she's married, but he also won't be lucky without her and despite this, he told her to go to have a better life, but what he doesn't know is that he just made it worse.

He sat there in a terrible silence, thinking about a way to get out of his freaky situation and suddenly hears a familiar voice behind the glass front of his office. He sits in his chair with his back to the door, but he knows it's her.

This voice wakes up the lost memories of their common past and he couldn't bring himself to turn around. Suddenly, he hears a soft „click", the door opens and someone comes in.

„Hello Greg," she says with her usual soft voice. It costs her a lot of strength to come in here and she knows that it won't be easy.

„I want to see you," she almost whispers and he couldn't stand it and turns around, not looking at her directly. He planned to be a bit cold so that he won't let his feelings work and he's afraid that he can't do this when he faces her.

„Why are you here?"

„Cuddy offered me a great job and I took it. I just want you to know that."

She wants to tell him the truth, that she's here because of him, and that she wants him, but the wedding ring on her hand won't let her do that.

„I think Marc wasn't happy about you being here," he says.

„No, he wasn't., but it's a great job and there's nothing he has to worry about."  
„Yeah, except me."

„I can take care of myself pretty good."

„Your husband hates me," he answers.

„But he's not the one who has to work with you, it's my decision," she stands up. „I got to go, there's already some work waiting for me."

„And, do you want to work with me?"

„I have to," she answers close to the door. „I told you, it's just a good job". The only thing he hears is the silent „click" when the door shut and with a smile, she disappears out of his sight.

Time passes by and his assistants weren't able to find out anything, but he's somewhere else with his thoughts.

He refused her although she wanted him back. He wanted her back, but he thought that she'll have a better life without him and she came back. He suddenly likes the imagination that she's just a few steps away. But the reality is that he can't have her.

On his way to Cuddy's office, he sees her standing at the other side of the hall and she hesitates for a moment as if she wants to say something, but changed her mind and walks away. He enters his boss office without knocking, and she looks up with a questioning look on her face.

„What can I do for you?"

„I want to make the test I told you about yesterday"

„You can't do that," she answers and starts to play with her glasses.

„It'll safe my patients life!"

„They don't want this test, so you won't do anything!"

„They're stupid. I know what's good for my patient"  
„Sure..." she says with a faked smile.

„Excuse me, I have to make a test now," he says and turns around to leave.

„Greg!" she says with a warning voice.

„Are you afraid that they'll sue me? I promise they won't because it'll safe his life," he says with a provocating look on his face and doesn't leave without saying what he wanted to say. Actually it was the reason why he came.

„Oh and by the way, now that we got a new lawyer, I don't have to be worried, right?"

Again, she lays her face in her hands.

„You found out that she's working here?"  
„Of course I did, do you thought I'll never notice?" he asks, not sure whether to be mad with her or not.

„I didn't said that. You got any problem with that?"

„Would that change anything?"  
„No, because I can choose the people who work for me without asking you."

„She's not the only lawyer in this town."

„But she's a good one."

„Yeah..." he says with a look to the ground.

„She said you talked about everything and it wouldn't be a problem," Cuddy says with a softer voice.

„I didn't even know that she would come."  
„I'm sorry."  
„It's okay, I think. She doesn't have to tell me where she's going to work or not."  
„You think you can handle it?" Cuddy wants to know.

„Of course, who do you think I am?" he answers and turns around to leave.

„Oh and Greg?"

„What?"

„Forget about the test!" she tells him before he leaves the office completely.

She tries to avoid him as often as possible, because she doesn't know how to behave in front of him anymore. Everything appears to be so confused that she sometimes wishes to be at home to hide there.

Stacy sits in her office and thinks about the conversation she had with Lisa two days ago. Actually she didn't want to interfere, but she couldn't, she just wanted to make sure that everything will be under control. Stacy lied to her. Greg didn't know anything and Cuddy wasn't sure about the fact that they really talked about everything and with this thoughts, she went to Stacy and told her about what happened in her office.

After they talked, she felt bad because she lied and maybe made it more complicated than it already is and she feels sadness spreading in her chest, because he seems to be angry that she's here and wanted her to go away again and in some way, she understands him.

All of her feelings are messed up. Since she went into his office, she wants him back more than ever. She loved the look of his face, his hands that can be so soft, the gentle touch of his lips on her own that still makes her shivering and his appearance had something that calms her down and gives her a feeling of being comforted. She desperatly longs for him to close her in the arms and tell her that he'll never let her go again. Sitting in her office, she couldn't concentrate on her work, because the feeling of guilt hunts her on every step of her way. All her thoughts end up with thinking about Marc, but she doesn't think about how much she loves him or not, she just thinks about the guilt and the fact that she hurts Marc although she doesn't love him and she has to realize that she doesn't even miss him.

She has to see House, she wants to see him and the conversation she had with Cuddy is a good thing to talk about. While she walks to his office, she thinks that she would also go without having any reason to talk about.

His room is empty, just like Cuddy's and with a glance on her watch, she knows why.

It's almost 10 pm and she didn't notice the time passing by and the hope that he's still in the hospital fades away. If it comes to the end of his shift, he's more than right on time. With slow steps, she makes her way back.

„Hey," someone says from where she already stood seconds ago.

„Hey James," she says with a smile and goes back. „Nice to see you."

„Yeah, it's nice to see you too. I heard you're working here," he says.

„Yes, I started three days ago."

„You look tired, are you okay?" he asks.

„It's been a long day, thanks."

„What are you doing here so late?"

„I... I was just looking for..." she begins, not sure whether to tell himthe reason. She lays her arms around herself and avoids to look at him.

„He's on the roof, I think," he says and she can't help, but smile for a short moment.

„I wish you a wonderful evening", she says without looking at him again.

How could she forget about the roof? Except that she thought that he's already at home. She takes the stairs, because she doesn't want to make it too easy for Wilson to see that she's going to walk up to the roof to see him. She remembers the silent moments when she was there with him, the beautiful summer nights, everytime they got enough space to hide up there. Sometimes, when she was alone at home, she came here, she knew that he would come and that she waited for him up there. The sunset looks amazing, and when she finally reaches the end of the stairs she notices that it's not summer and that she should've taken her jacket with her.

She steps out into the cold evening and sees him standing close to the wall. He looks up when he sees her coming.

„What are you doing here so late?" he asks her.

„Same question," she answers.

„I'm a doctor."

„You got no patient," she says, not sure if this is true.  
„And you got me. I just needed a place to think."

„You still come up here from time to time?" she wants to know.

„Sometimes..." he replies. „Why are you here? You should be at home."

„Do you want me here?" she asks, her arms tight around her body, trying not to shiver.

„Why do you want to know this?"  
„I have to. You talked to Cuddy," she says and stays silent.

„I see..." he answers.

„Do you want me here?" she asks again. „If not, than say it."

„Would that change anything?"

„Yes."

„Stace, I don't know, I was furious," he answers and the sound of her name and the way he said it touches her.

„Furious with me?"

„Yes," he whispers. „I tried to forget you and than you came back..."

„Excuse me, you regereted me!" she says a bit upset.

„You were the one who left me first!"

„Then tell me that you don't want to have me here," she says and looks into his eyes.

„I can't..." he answers and steps closer.

„It's cold," she says and wants to walk away, but he takes her hand and closes her in his arms. She feels the warmth of his body comforting her. She lays her head on his chest and closes her eyes...


	2. Whenever I need you

**I'll hope it's understandable...**

Addiction: Chapter 2 – Whenever I need you

„House!" she screams from the end of the floor and he knew that he should wait until she reached him, the tone of her voice sounds angry and she can be really sexy when she's upset.

„Cuddy" he says and tries to sound as innocent as possible. He also knew why she's angry.  
„I forbid you to make that damn test", she hisses and he takes a step back to stand not too close to her, because he's afraid that the angry snake would bite him.

„You know me," he answers in a disppointed voice.

„This is not funny!" she says.

„I liked this one."

„Grow up man!" she tells him and holds up a paper that he knows too good. „You got sued."

„Tell me something new," he tells her with a grin and wants to walk away.

„Don't move. Listen to me -" she starts but he interrupts her.

„God, their so damn ungrateful! I saved his life!"

„Talk to Stacy" she orders him and he takes the paper she handles him.

„Now!" she adds and he walks away but not without rolling the eyes.

Stacy looks up from her desk when he enters the room.

„I was waiting for you" she says and leans back in her chair.

„You already know it? It seems to spread itself faster than the rumours about Cuddy and me having sex!" he says more to himself.

She ignores this, because she knows that it's not true, he just told it to bother Cuddy.

„I got the letter first, I'm the lawyer."

„And why did Cuddy gave me this nice letter?" he wants to know.

„Lisa is your boss. It's my part to get you out of the shit, she's the one who has to tell the doctors the bad news," she says and smiles. He doesn't care as usual.

„Why do you always have to bother her?" Stacy asks him.  
„Do you like her?"

„Of course I do, as a good friend. Stop your wild dreams."

„She's my boss."

„That's it. She is just doing her job!"

„And I make my job. I safe patients lifes."

„Yes, but you know that your ways of saving them aren't always the best ones."

„But I save them that matters."

Silence comes up and they look at each other without saying anything.

„I think we should start to get it solved fast" Stacy says and starts to read the letter again.

„You're beautiful" he says into the silence and she couldn't ignore this. She stops reading although she pretends not to do, but he sees that her eyes are fixed on a certain point.

„Greg... thanks. I think it won't be that bad, the good thing is that your patient is alive, otherwise we would've a problem."

„I'm serious," he answers without paying attention to the things she said before. His voice is serious but soft.

„I know you are" she answers in a low voice, wishing that her husband would tell her something like this, something he really meant by saying it. His pager rings and he stands up.

„Sorry, I've to go."

„It's okay. I'll call you when I need you," and he leaves the room, not listening to the last words she says:"Whenever I need you."

Out of the windows, the darkness surrounds the area in front of the hospital and his assistants spend their time in the lab to find out something useful about their new patient.

He steps ou on the balkony into the cool air and tries to think about the different symptoms their patient shows.

A twenty year old woman with an already shunted hydrocephalus suffers from a constant headache, but the CT showed nothing to worry about. Therefore she suffers from sickness that sets in from one second to another, especially in the morning, but she's not pregnant and the ultrasound showed them that everything is pretty fine inside her stomach.

The cathether inside her stomach, that is connected to on of the ventricles to drain the fluid, appears to be „warm" and it „burns" from time to time.

The Transaminasis are too high and again, she's not pregnant nor drinking any alcohol. Of course they checked it, because people tend to lie, but due to the fact that she suffers from a hydrocephalus and from what her neurosurgeon told them, it must be true and Foreman and Chase couldn't find any alcohol in her house.

There wasn't a hepatitis in the past that could make them rise, she had all of the immunizations so that they also couldn't expect a hepatitis, but what they found is a lack of ferritin in her blood, the red blood-corpuscles are too small so that they can't transport enough oxygen which causes a headache. There's a light lack of oxygen in her brain which is not dangerous, it just causes headache and her heart beats faster.

He couldn't do anything, because he doesn't know what, the only thing he can do is to wait until the ducklings come back with the results, if they'll find something.

He hears the silent „click" that shoes tend to make on the ground and they can't belong to Cuddy, because she would've already said something and Cameron won't come back alone.

He turns his head and sees Stacy walking out of the office and he doesn't move when he lays his hands on his shoulders and leans against his back and listens to his slow breaths.

„It's cold" he hears her saying and he embraces her and holds her close.

„I saved your ass" she tells him.

„I knew you would, but thank you."

„Don't rely on the fact that I can do that all the time."

„I'll try my best," he says.

After a few minutes in silence , her mobile phone starts to ring, but she ignores it.

„Your phone..." House says and she gets out of the embrace to check who's calling her.

The display says: „Marc"

She looks at him for one last time and he couldn't say what expression she has on her face in this moment. She isn't very pleased.

„I see you" she says and touches his arm once again before she walks back inside.

The moment she came in, the ducklings enter the room from the other side and she remembers the young doctor she met on her first day.

„Oh, hi," Foreman says, not knowing whe she is. „You know where House is?"

„He's out there" she says and points to the open door with a finger and answers the incoming call while she leaves the office.

„This is the woman who looked for him" Cameron whispers to the others.

„I think she's the new jurist," Chase says.

„That's interesting..." Foreman adds with a smile.

„What's interesting? He always gets sued and you said it, she's the lawyer!" Cameron throws in.

„You think there's something going on between them?!"

„C'mon guys! We got a patient and it's none of our business" Cameron reminds them.

„Slowpoke..." Chase says and the men laugh.

„Dr. House" Foreman says louder to make sure he'll hear them and a a few seconds later, he appears in the doorway.

„What did you find out?"  
„There must be an inflammation somewhere inside her body," Cameron starts. The CRP is about 3,2."

„Did she got temperature?" he wants to know.

„Not yet," Foreman answers.

„An inflammation can come very slow sometimes so that you didn't notice it."

„What should we do then?" Foreman asks.

„Once the catheter is inflammed, it can cause a meningitis within minutes which means that she needs surgery and the risk of another infection rises. Make a lp to make sure that there are no viral infections" he orders his assistants while he writes the words „unknown inflammation" on the board.

„Hey Marc" she says and walks back to her office.

„You needed a lot of time to answer my call," he says and actually he wants to be funny, but she misunderstod him.

„I'm sorry, but I had a lot of work to do," she says with a reproachful voice and stresses the word „I".

There's silence and she knows that she was a bit too hard.

„What the hell is going on with you?" he asks her. „You told me you'll never work in that hospital again!"

„Oh, that's it!" she answers and laughs angry. „You just called to tell me that again? Very nice, thanks. The fact that I'm your wife doesn't mean that you can decide where I work!"

„I never said it!"

„Than stop acting like you want to, because I hate it. You should be happy for me, but all you do is control me!"

„Why didn't you answer my calls?"

„That's exactly what I mean. You know that I'm at work and I can't replay thousands of your calls. Excuse me, I had something to do."

She knows that she couldn't get out of it anymore, she's very furious at this moment. Not really with him, but to her mind, he gave her enough reasons to be. Maybe she starts saying nonsense, but she doesn't care.

„Let me guess, you had to work with him" he says and she knows that he's also angry.

„I can't believe you're jealous!"

„I never said it!"  
„Yes, because you never say anything!"

„I hate that guy, that's all."

„That doesn't mean that I can't work with him and by the way, he saved your ass!" she almost screams.

„Of course it's all about the great Dr. House!"

„Yes, sometimes, it is," she answers.

„When will you come home?"

„Not tonight, I'll stay with Lisa," she answers and drops the connection and switches her phone off, before she changes her mind. What the hell was that about? There was no reason to freak out like this, but she couldn't help. She tries to get a clear mind, but all she does is thinking about the absurd argument they had and she has to call Lisa and hopes that she is at home and lets her stay the night.

She calls her mobile phone and thank god, she agreed without asking any questions and Stacy promises to explain everything when she's there.

She walks through the corridor and passes his office. It's dark in there, but with a closer look, she sees him sitting in front of the white board.

She waits in the doorway to look at him for a few seconds and suddely, the argument she had with her husband was forgotten and there's just Greg.

She fights a senseless battle with herself and a part of her is angry with herself and wasn't strong enough to resist.

Why couldn't she just walk out of the hospital without thinking about him.

„You want to come in or stand there the whole night?" he asks without turning around and she walks in and sits down beside him.

They don't speak and she starts to stare at the white board just like he does.

„Any idea what's going on with her?" Stacy asks after a while.

„I wish I would, that would make it so much easier. I think she doesn't tell me the truth, she hides something from me," he says still staring at the board. „And she's not lucky."

„Do you still talk about your patient?" she asks looking away from him, she sees that he turns his head from the corner of her eye.

„No," he answers.

He touches her cheek with a hand and forces her to look at him in a very soft way.

„You're such a jerk," she whispers.

„I know," he says and with one last move, the distance between them closes.

She closes her yes and leans in while the kiss becomes more passionate with every second. She waited for such a long time and she almost forgot how that feels.

After a while, she breaks the kiss.

„I have to go," she whispers. „Lisa waits for me."

„Yeah," he answers. „Have a good night."

„Thanks" she says and leaves the room and feels confused. Her husband was suddenly a part of her thoughts again and she can't forget their argument and the reasons for not going home tonight.

On her way to Lisas house, she tries to find an explanation for her behaviour and she has to tell her something.

„What about the truth?" she thinks and feels an awkward feeling coming up.

Only tree days passed by and she's in trouble with her husband and she kissed him. Only three days and she wasn't able to resist him, that's rediculous.

„Why did I kiss him?" she asks herself again and again and with every step, she feels closer to tears than ever and she could still feel her lips burn from his touch.

The moment she reaches Lisas house, she tries to breath calm and forget about her feelings and the wish to start to cry immediately.

She knocks on the door and moments later, Lisa appears infront of her, but before she could say anything, Stacy feels warm tears falling down her checks.

„I'm sorry..." is all she can say while she tries not to sob.

„God, what happened?" Lisa asks and lets her in and something tells her that House is not innocent.

They sit down and Stacy couldn't help but cry...

When she looks up again, Lisa sits beside her with a cup of tea.

„You want to talk about it?" she offers.

„Everything seems to be so different since I'm here," she starts. „I thought I was over him, but I'm not sure about that anymore."

„Did you talk about it with Marc?"  
„Hell, no. He hates him and he doesn't like that I work here and despite that, we had a dispute when he called me earlier."  
„I'm sorry to hear that."

„Actually I started it. I was angry with Greg and I can't tell you why and I was also angry with Marc."

„No idea why you could be angry with him? I mean he's House and there might be a couple of reasons to be ."  
„I wish he did something! Everytime I see him, I want to be with him. He's like an addiction to me. I know that he probably won't be good for me, but I can't let him go," she says and tears flood her eyes.

„He was one of the reasons why I came back, and I knew it would end up weird."

„You're married" Lisa says, because she wants to remind her that there's someone out there who loves her, but not like House does. There's one thing that Lisa Cuddy knows and that's the fact that House loves someone. He loves Stacy more than anyone else could and she never told him that she believes it.

„But I missed him. And to be honest, I can't say that I miss my husband."

„Wow..." is all she could answer. „Will you go back?"

„Of course I will" she says with a sudden pain inside her chest.

„I hate the influence he has on me, I feel so weak when he's around me and I can't resist him", she seems to be pretty desperate about her situation and Lisa also feels pity for her, that it touches her deeply.

„Do you still love him?" Lisa asks.

„I think I never stopped loving him. He was the one and he'll always be," she says and lays her face in her hands.

„But why did you leave him."

„I don't know, I thought I could forget him!"  
„That was stupid," Lisa says dry.

„Did he change when I left?" she wants to know.

„Well... I have to say, he was..." she starts, looking for a word that would suit it fine. „Insupportable," she ends. „Worse than usual."

Stacy laughs bitter. „I can imagine."

„I think he sometimes appeared a bit softer when he was with you," Lisa tells her and laughs like Stacy does.  
„Yes, he can be," she says and her voice becomes more serious again.

„I kissed him", she finally says and both women know that there's nothing else to say.

He sits on his piano and plays a song called „Before I go". He knew she always loved this song and he starts to play it for the very first time since ages...

The complete word is „Cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) and is the medical word for the water in your brain.

- If you wanna listen to the song „Before I go" by Enya contact me or try to fid it on your own, it's just piano )


	3. The weakness in me

Chapter three – The weakness in me

The next morning starts rainy and she stands up in the unusual bedroom. She can't remember a night when she stayed at a friends house and she can't be happy about it, because the reasons suck.

On their way to work, Lisa starts to talk, because she can't stand the silence anymore.

„Will you call your husband?" Lisa asks.

„I said I don't want to tell him anything," she answers.

„I didn't say you should. I just asked because I would find it a bit... suspicious?" she answers with a questioning look at Stacy and she seems to think about it for a moment.

„I don't wanna get on your nerves and I don't want you to do so something. The only thing I'm afraid of is that it'll end up in a disaster for both of you", she says. „I mean three," she adds.

„Me too, but I don't know how."

„Good question, try to talk to him."

„I don't know what to say. I'm afraid to say something wrong that makes it worse."

„You think saying nothing makes it better?" Lisa asks.

„Probably not."

The morning passes by quite relaxed and Stacy sits in her office and tries to concentrate on her work, He didn't show up, she hadn't seen or heard him in the hospital and she asks herself if he's there. But what should she say when she meets him?

Everytime she tries to get away from him, it brings her closer to him.

She takes her mobile phone out of her bag and notices that it's still switched off. A light feeling of anger comes up, but the disappointment she feels when she realizes that he hadn't called her again is stronger. She expected him to do it, Marc always does, but not this time. Maybe she pushed him too far away.

„You did the lp?" he asks he asks,mwalking in the room. The ducklings still sit in there when he comes in, too late like every morning.

„Nothing", Foreman answers. „The fluid is clear, no infections."

„Interesting," House says and gets himself a cup of coffee. „Checked the CRP again?"  
„Not up to now," Chase answers.

„Do it again, just because the fluid is clean doesn't mean that there's no inflammation somewhere inside her body . When they leave the room, he adds the words „Clear fluid" to the other symptoms on the board. He can't figure out what his patient suffers from, it doesn't make sende. The sympoms don't fit each other. There's one thing he relied on and that was he lp. He expected something, but he was wrong. He has to find out what's going on, he wouldn't be the head of the diagnostician if he gives up so easily.

Actually, he should be in clinic, but he prefers hiding in his office. He hardly slept last night. He missed her more than he thought. He wants to be with her, but he's afraid too hurt her again. He can't be with her, knowing that it probably won't work. He can't life with the pain and he can't life without her too. He knows that they can't get out of it anymore, it will hurt someday.

The door opens and he hears Cuddy saying:"Get into clinic," and he hasn't time to reply something, because she already left. Her voice sounded different, it appeared to be a bit softer, he thinks and he couldn't explain why Cuddy should be soft with him.

He walks along the hall when she shows up at the other side.

„Greg?" she says calm and waits for an answer. He hesitates for a moment and does something that he didn't expect himself to do.

„I've no time, sorry," he says and walks away, because he couldn't stand to see the sadness in her eyes.

„What was that?" he asks himself. „You're stupid," he thinks. She left her alone there and she tries to deny the tears with all her strength. The disappointment she feels hurts her and she becomes furious again. Furious with him and herself.

She feels stupid and asks herself if it was a mistake to come back, she should've known it better, shouldn't she? Maybe it was a mistake, but a part of her hopes it wasn't, a part of her misses him.

„You're such an idiot!" he hears someone screaming and the next thing he realizes is a slap on his arm and he sees Cuddy walking away from him with fast steps. He's so surprised that he couldn't reply something and again he wonders about her behaviour.

She must've talked to Stacy and she's right, he's an idiot.

His clinic duty is finished, he walks to the lab to see if his assistans found something out.

„Anything new?" he asks and enters the room, they all look up.

„The CRP rises again, but it's still under the limiting value," Foreman explains. „The abdomen looks normal, no surgeries so far."

„Right, we won't do anything, but wait," House answers.

„Wait for what?" Cameron wants to know.

„A change. Sometimes must change."

„But she's already waiting for such a long time."

„And you want an operation just because the poor girl waits for such a long time? What'll you tell her?"

„Ehm..." she starts and tries to find an answer.

„Tell her we'll oerform surgery, because we feel boring or can't find out anything up to now. She'll be pretty pleased about this," he ends with a false grin on her face and she rolls her eyes.

„Cuddy won't be glad to hear you're doing nothing," Foreman says.

„Cuddy isn't glad with anything and I'd be careful, she's a bad girl today! She hit me!" he says and tries to make them feel pity for him, but all they do is laugh.

„Keep an eye on her" he orders them. „Call me if there's something to worry about," he walks out, knowing that they'd start talking as soon as the door is closed. He didn't say how Cuddy „Hit" him and of course they're curious about the truth.

On the way back to his office, he sees Cuddy coming and he walks on the other side to make sure she's not walking to close to her.

„Will you hit me again?" he asks her with a careful voice. „I like it," he adds to bother her.

„When I have to..." she answers.

„And what was the first one for?"  
„You should know it and if you don't, I can only feel sorry for you," she says and walks away and the grin on his face disappears. Of course he knows the reason and he suddenly feels the need to hold her.

He turns around and decides to see his patient. He won't talk to her, he just wants to have a look at her. The ward seems to be pretty empty, there are hardly patients walking around.

Through the window, he sees his patient, a girl he never saw before. She looks beautiful. She laughs and talks to a person who seems to be her mother. On the first sight, she looks like a happy healthy young woman, but he knows that she has pain. She seem to be happy, but the eyes never lie. She avoids her mothers gaze, trying not to look in her eyes.

Her hands fumble on the coverlet in a nervous way. She tries to ignore her pain and tells everyone that she's fine although she isn't. She wants help, but she can't let other help her. He has to send her home for the case that nothing happens and he's sure that she'll come back one day.

He leaves the ward and starts to walk up the stairs ro get on the roof once again. He suddenly wants to be there, he needs a calm place to think.

When he steps out, he sees her standing at the other side. He couldn't run away now. She faces him for a moment and he sees that she's sad.

He isn't sure whar he should say and holds out a hand when he stands beside her. He opens his arms for her and he'll let her in again.

He feels himself calming down when she holds him, he smells her perfume and feels her warm body so close to his own.

„How could I let her go?" he asks himself like he did thousands of times before and he'll also ask this question when it'll happen again.

She looks at him and she knows that she won't be strong enogh, because she needs him more than anything else. One of her hands rest on his chest and she whispers, without looking at him:  
„I hate you."

It didn't sound like she really meant it, it's more that she wants to mean it, but she can't. Her voice is full of anger and sadness. It's silent as if she's afraid to start crying. It's also full of guilt and a love she can't deny aymore. No matter what she tries to say or do, nothing will make her feelings change.

He lays his forehead against hers slowly, his hands around her waist. Their eyes are closed.

„What are you doing with me?" he asks in a whispering voice. She didn't answer, but it doesn't matter.

She feels his warm breath on her cheek and a shiver runs through her body.

„I missed you" he says and his lips almost touch hers.

How long did she wait for those words? Suddenly, the feelings she pushed away all the time comes back and the pain she feels inside her chest makes it hart to breathe.

He lays in his bed and watches out of the window into the dark sky. The moon shines brightly and he can't sleep, again, his thoughts keep him awake. It must be in the middle if the night, maybe early in the morning, he didn't bother to look on the clock. His bed seems to be so empty tonight, he misses her presence and the warmth that filled the other side of the bed for so many nights. He lets his hand slide over the coverlets where she once slept. Sometimes, in his sleepless nights, he imagines her eyes in front of his face. He loves the look of their eyes when she smiled at him, he imagines her scent and the gentle touches of her soft hands in the middle of the night when she lays her arm around him and clings to his body.

He's about to drift away in sleep when he hears a silent knock. It takes him a few seconds to realize that someone knocks on his door and it took him a few more seconds to decide whether to stand up or not.

He tries to make his way to the door as fast as it's possible with his cane. He opens the door slowly.

She doesn't say anything and he steps to the side to let her in and before he asks any questions, she takes his face with both hands and gives him the most passionate kiss he ever got.

He doesn't notice how they make their way into the bedroom, everything that matters is that she's back. Back in his arms, back on her side of the bed.

It suddenly seems that she's never been away. She feels her strained body relaxing under his seductive touches and everything around her blurres.

This is the man she missed for such a long time, the man who can be so soft and lovely. She looks deep in his eyes when he caress her naked skin so tenderly, laying on top of her she feels a shiver running through he body.

Placing loving kisses from her throat down to her waist, it thrilled her even more when he touches her most sensetive part.

She wants to cry. All the feelings she denied the years, everything seems to be back and it felt so right.

She moans softly in his mouth when she kisses him vigorously holding him as tight as possible when she feels him inside her. The longing for him grows with every second and she feels more alive than she ever did before.

She turns her head desperately and bits her tongue so that she would not scream his name and she's out of breath when it hits her so hard that she couldn't think anymore.

He gives her another breathless, passionate kiss and lays his head on her chest to listen to her heart pouding fast.

God, how much she loves her. He can't remember the last time he felt so loved and alive, it's been such a long time ago when she made him feel like this.

The moon still shines through the window and throws a silver light on her naked skin. He almost forgot how beautiful she is. After a while, she sleeps peaceful and he lays the covelet over her body and pulls her close, falling asleep by her comforting warmth...

**I hope it's not that bad, I tried my best but I'm not good with such things...**

**ConnieJ**

**Thank you for offering yourself as a beta-reader, it would be nice if you do it! You can copy the chapters out of here and send them via email back to me? Is that okay?**


	4. Going home

Chapter four – Going home

This morning was different from the ones in the past. Waking up beside someone makes it more comforting and while she was sleeping, he realized what happened last night. A short smile appears on his face, but slowly the doubts came and he had to ask himself if it was right, although it felt so. He's not the one who bothers about the poor husband who sits at home and waits for his wife to come back home, but Stacy would and with her doing it, it also affects him.

It's not a secret that he hates her husband and some might say that having sex with her is some kind of revenge but he didn't care about Marc the time he was his patient and he also didn't care when he made love to her. It's all about her and no one else.  
He couldn't blame her for being so stupid and marry a guy like him, because he was even more stupid when he refused her and she would've married him one day.

He stares out of the window when one of his assistants calls him back to reality.

„House? You've to sign the letter she'll go home in a few minutes," Chase says and handles him the paper that needed to be sign. „What do you think will happen?" he wants to know.

„She'll be back soon."  
„You think so? What should happen?"

„I'm not sure but something will happen and she'll be back," he says and passes him the signed paper.

„Hey," she says with a smile, entering her office and tries not to look to guilty. Lisa looks up with a smile when she sits down in front of her.

„Are you okay?" she asks with a questioning look on her face.

„Sure, just the usual things", she lies.

„God, I hate days like these and I hate that damn paperwork, you haven't got a lot of work to do at the moment, have you?" she asks while she tries to fill out something that lays on her desk.

„No" she simply answers, not really listening to her. The sky out of the window seems to be pretty blue today.

Cuddy keeps on talking for a while when she notices that something is wrong and she's not listening. She realizes her mistake and stands up to sit down beside her.  
„I'm sorry" she says and touches her hand gently for some comfort. „I'm sorry, you didn't come to listen to me."

„It's okay," Stacy answers and tries to give her a short smile.

„You came to talk and I was too occupied with my own work that I didn't notice it!"

„I told you, it's okay. I don't want to keep you away from your work."

„You aren't, seriously," she says and smiles friendly.

„I missed you last night," Cuddy says and Stacy looks away. That's why she came and suddenly, she feels embarrased.

„You went home?" she asks.

„Sorry, I should've called you," she says and tries to avoid her question.

„I figured it out, but you didn't answer my question."

„Lisa, come on..." she says with a you-know-it-look on her face and hopes that she understands it.  
„Oh..." is all she says. „You stayed with Greg?"

„What do you think?" Stacy asks her and there's silence for a while. „God, I wish I went home last night, but I couldn't...".

„I guess, you didn't talk?" she asks.

„Of course not..." she waits a few seconds before she goes on. „I hate myself for being so weak!"

„That's more difficult than I thought..." Lisa says more to herself.

„You know what's worse?" Stacy asks.

„Tell me."

„It felt so damn right."

Now that his only patient went home, there's not much to do for him at the moment. He already did his clinic duty – but not without Cuddy who forced him to do it.  
He's about to leave when he thinks of Stacy. The last time he saw her is hours ago, when she left his house in the morning. He turns around to go to her office and thinks about something to say.

Slowly, he opens the door and finds her in there, taking on her jacket.

„Hey," he says and closes the door soft, then clears his throat to make sure she notices him.

„Hey," she answers and she obviously tries to find something to say and an awkward silence lasts between them for a few seconds that feel like an eternity.

„I didn't see you the whole day," he starts just to say something.

„I had a lot of stuff to do."  
„I think so," he answers, not knowing where this is going to end up.

For a short second, she saw herself laying in his bed, longing for his presence, sreaming his name when he touches her...

She tries to get a clear mind and remembers the conversation she had with Cuddy a couple of hours ago and despite her doubts, she decided to go home tonight. She's not in the mood for a fight, not with Greg and not with her husband. Something tells her that the last point will come up soon.

She walks toward him, standing at the door when she faces him.

„Gregory?""  
„Yes?"  
„We can't do that again," she says and for a moment, he thinks to see tears blinking in her eyes.

„I'll see you tomorrow," she answers and before he can answer something, she walks away and it wouldn't make sense to chase her because she's much faster.

She remains sitting for a few minutes in her car before she starts to drive home. She couldn't think clear and she feels furious. So furious that she wants to cry, but she couldn't. She couldn't even cry.

She needs all her strength to face her husband, needs all her strength to get trough it. No one could imagine how she feels. She wants to get trough it as soon as possible and again she asks herself why something like this happened to her.  
Why can't she be strong enough to resist? Sometimes she wishes that she never met House, because she hates him, she wants to hate him and the truth is that she loves him even more.

She fights against the tears a couple of times and needs a few deep breath when she sees their house showing up in front of her.

She walks up the front steps slowly and feels quivery.

„I'd thought you'd never show up again here," he says and she feels so damn furious at the moment that she likes to hit him in his face, but she tells herself to be calm.

„I wish you a nice evening," she says a bit bitchy.

„Where have you been, I tried to reach you."

„God, I told you I'd stay with Lisa and you didn't even call so don't tell me you tried to reach me!"

„You wanna talk?" he asks.

„There's nothing to talk about," she answers and tries to sound friendly.

„Why?" he asks again.

„I'm fine okay?" she answers. „What the hell do you wanna hear? I stayed with Lisa if you don't believe me, call her!"

„I don't know what's going on with you!" he says and before he says anything else, she walks into the bathroom and locks the door.

She takes off all her clothes and watches her appearance in the mirror. She looks tired from fighting against her feelings, tired from everything that's going on around her. For a moment, she thinks that she could've looked at something else and she wouldn't even notice it. She got weak and something lasts on her shoulders, she could feel the heaviness, the need to cry but no one should see it.

While she turns on the water that fills the room with a welcome warmth, she looks down her naked body.

She touches her stomach, the wonderful smooth skin and the parts of her body where he touched her last night with so much love that it hurts when she thinks about the fact that she told him she can't do it again. She feels everything when she closes her eyes and she knows that it was just a desperate try to push him away again. She closes her eyes when she steps under the hot water. It's comforting her with every single drop that runs down her skin, soothing her soft. She breathes calm and listens to the sound of the water that sound like a warm summer rain that takes away all her thoughts and tears start to fall down her cheeks and join the water on its long way down.

With every tear she cries, she feels better. The heaviness seems to be taken away even if it won't last long, but for this one secret moment, it calms her down.

She wraps her body in a towel and goes back to the living room, not sure if he's still there. She walks on the cold ground with bare feet and tells herself to wear shoes the next time.  
He sat on the sofa, watching TV, maybe he tries to forget about his anger or he wants to ignore her by doing it. His left hand rests on the remote control and he makes a clicking sound with his fingers all the time. It's one of those little sounds that piss you off very fast.

She goes back to their bedroom and puts some clothes on. Stacy sits on the bed when he comes in and sits down eside her and she suddenly feels uncomforted by his presence.

He touches her cheek gentle but it doesn't touch her. She couldn't stand it anymore and turns her head away and she almost feels his disapointment.

„Is it him?" he asks and she can't believe what he asked her.

„What?" she asks and looks at him this time.

„Is it because of him?" he asks again and his calm voice pissed her off even more.

„No it's about you!" she almsot yells and stands up. She's hurt because he always talks about him and for a moment, she thinks about asking him something about trust, but the guilt cut her off like a sharp knife.

„You called me a couple of times the day when I was at work, then you asked me about Greg and stopped calling me! You brought him up first. We didn't need to talk about him, but you started it as usual when something happens that could be connected to him somehow, damn how old are you?"  
„Why did you start to work there?" he says and she's on the verge of freaking out.

„C'mon, we've had that a couple of times before and I don't have to justify my decision!"

„You don't want to, because you're afraid to admit the truth!"  
„And that would be?"

„What does he give you?" he wants to know and she couldn't control her emotions anymore.

„Something I don't get from you and it's sad that you don't even notice it" she yells and realizes too late what she said and tears well up in her eyes.

Minutes later, she sits in her car. Driving back to where she came from a short time ago, dialing Lisas number.

„Hey..." she says when Lisa picked up the phone and she knew something went wrong before she said it.

**This is another message for ConnieJ, you said it, we'll find a way to communicate. I got your mail and you wanted to tell me your email? It looked like, but there wasn't any email in the message I could reply too...**


	5. In your arms again

**I know there are still mistakes but I tried my best and I hope you can ignore them!**

Addiction – Chapter four: In your arms again

Lisa sits in her living room, waiting for Stacy to arrive. She doesn't know what happened the only thing she said was that she's coming. She didn't cry but she heard that she was close to tears.

There are moments when she thinks that it was a mistake to give Stacy the job but she liked the idea of having her around. Of course she's good at her job but she missed someone around her. She missed a friend she once had when they went to university.

They started studying at the same time and they met on the campus for the very first time. She was sitting on the stairs and enjoys the sun with a smile on her face.

„_You must be Lisa, right?" someone says and sits down beside her. She's surprised for the first moment, because she's never met her before and she knows her name._

„_Oh, yes. I am," she answers looking for something to say.   
„Greg told me," she tells her with a laugh. „I'm Stacy."_

„_So, I'm Lisa as you already know," she answers and smiles. „You know Greg?"_

„_I met him a couple of weeks ago, he seems to be nice."_

„_Really? I always thought he's an idiot."_

„_Sounds like him too. But believe me he can be a very nice person."_

She remembers their first conversation like it happened yesterday. From that day on they spent almost every day together and became best friends over the years. Even Greg was a part of their friendship and she thinks that it's sad that she's speaking in the past about him being a part of her life. He's also a part at this time, but years ago, it was different. They spent long nights with parties and a lot of alcohol and they danced the whole night with nothing to care about and suddenly everything changed.

She starts to make tea and takes the bedding out, not sure where she should lay it down and decides to ask Stacy where she wants to sleep. She stares outta the window, it starts to rain.

The night their friendship broke was a night she remembers too good. She's been on a party with Greg and Stacy and they'd a lot of fun and drank too much. None of them could walk straight ahead and she couldn't imagine how they got home without hurting themselves by falling. If this wouldn't be serious, she would've laughed.

Everyone who knows Lisa Cuddy today would never think about the one she was at university. She changed just like House and Stacy did and there were reasons.

Their apartment was a mess, because the never had enough time to clean up or pretend that they hadn't any time.

_Somehow they managed to get home and it took Greg a few minutes to fall asleep on the sofa and suddenly they're alone.  
Stacy lays down on her bed and Lisa doesn't bother with going to her own bedroom. It's been a long time since she felt someone so close to her and they remain sielnt for a while until Stacy turned her head to face her. She started to laugh after a while and Lisa faces her too. It looks like she wants to say something but they won't talk anymore this night. _

_The moment she feels Stacy's warm and soft lips on her own, she forgets everything around her and she isn't even sure who started it and suddenly one thing leads to the other..._

They were both drunk as hell and they wanted to have fun she thinks while she still waits for her to arrive. They wanted to have fun, but they both chose the wrong person and no one thought about the consequences and it was sure that there will be some.

To wake up beside Stace wasn't an unusual thing but to wake up naked beside her was another. This was probably the worst morning in her life and it hurts her to remember how everything changed.

They couldn't look each other in the eyes and of course Greg noticed that. He always did and it even hurt him. Sometimes, she thinks the only reason why he's such a pain in the ass is that she broke their friendship in some way.

From that morning on, they started to life their own lives more and more without noticing it. Their studies kept them working hard, no parties anymore, no friendship and no talks. When they left university they lived in different places and hardly spoke to each other, pretending they don't have time and one day, no one called anymore.

There were years without any contact and than Gregr appeared in her office and she gave him a job and she was glad to have him back in her life, but it shouldn't be. Not the way she wanted it to be.

Now she thinks that she spent too much time with her work and it hurts her, because she can't change it anymore. There are still a lot of unsaid things and they never talked about _the _night.

She hears Stacy arriving and opens the door before she reaches it.

„I'm sorry" Stacy says when she walks in. She's not crying and she seems to be very calm but the look on her face says more than thousands of words and she'd prefer to see her crying.

„It's okay" Lisa says and for a moment, it's all she can say. They sit down on the sofa and Lisa feels uncomfortable to ask what happened and says nothing. If she feels like talking about it she will and if not, they'll spend the night in silence.

„I fucked it up", she suddenly says, looking straight ahead. „I just fucked it up" she says and doesn't seem to believe what she did.

„You'd a fight?"

„Yes. It was stupid and I think I said the wrong things."

„He knows the truth?" Lisa wants to know.

„I don't know. I didn't say it clearly. He started his usual arguments with Greg and asked what he gives me..." she says and tries to get her emotions under control.

„What did you say?" Lisa asks and looks at her. She looks like she's close to tears like she was a couple of times in the past days.

„He asked me what he gives me and I said that it's something I don't get from him and I left the room and I didn't realize what I was saying but I knew it was to late to take it back."

She leans back and lays her head on Cuddys shoulder.

„I couldn't even stand his touch! He touched my cheek and I felt like I wanted to slap him. I felt so disgusted that I turned my head away!"

„You can stay as long as you want you know that, don't you?" Lisa says into the silence.

„Thank you," Stacy answers. „For everything."

„I'm tired," Lisa starts. „Where do you wanna sleep?"

„I don't wanna be alone tonight," she answers in a tired voice and Lisa nods. She knows that there's nothing else to say.

He knows that this would happen and Foreman lost his bet. Their patient came back this morning.

She still suffers from sickness, constant heachache and she still has pain in her arms and legs. From what she told them the pain changes. One day it's the left arm and the right leg, the other day it's vice versa.

The inflammation in her body did not rise but the pain inside her stomach did and she got a high temperature. He sent his assistants to the lab to make a few tests again while he sits in front of his white board and tries to find out what he's missing.

Maybe Wilson can help him, it can always be cancer but you don't notice it and he's the oncologist so he might have a look on her.

„Hey Jimmie," he says entering his office. He lets himself falling down in the chair in front of him and stares at him until he looks up.

„I gotta patient and I want you to check on her."

„Which one?"

„Hydrocephalus patient."

„So she's back?"

„Yeah and I'm still missing something," House says. „Will you do that for me?"

„For the patient," Wilson answers and they both laugh. „How's it going with Stacy?"

He takes himself several moments before he answers his question.

„It's... okay," he says although his sure that there's nothing right.

„What did you do?" Wilson wants to know.

„Why does everybody think that I did something?"  
„It's obvious. Tell me what happened."

„We'd sex," he simply answers.

„You're kidding me!"

„No, I'm serious. She just showed up in the middle of the night and we'd sex!"

„And how's it going on?"

„I wish I'd know. She said it can't happen again and I understand that, she's married."

„Even though it interests you!"

„It does, because it probably makes her unhappy. There were reasons why I refused her."

„You still love her, don't you?"

„I can't let her go."

„I'll check on your patient later," Wilson says and it's clear that the conversation is over.

He goes back to his office to throw his ball at the wall and waste his time by doing it. He's sure that Cuddy will show up and he wants her to come, because she might know what's really going on with Stacy. It took her only ten minutes to come.

„You're fast," he says.

„And you're lazy," she replies. „Get your ass in clinic," she says but he doesn't move an inch.

„I know," he answers and leans back in his chair. „You talked to Stacy?"

She stops by the door obviously irresolute whether to tell him something or leave.

„Yes, I did," she says friendlier than before.

„What did she say?"

„What do you wanna hear?"

„How's she doing?" he finally asks.

„Why don't you ask her?" Cuddy wants to know.

„You like doing this?"

„Maybe," she answers with a teasing grin on her face.

„She doesn't want to see me so tell me something," he orders her.

„No. That she doesn't wanna have sex with you, shouldn't mean that she doesn't wanna see you," she tells him and knows that she got his full attention now.

„You know-," he starts a bit surprised and she interrupts him with a I – know – it - all – look on her face.

„I do," she answers and leaves but not without reminding him to his clinic duty.

„Evil bitch" he screams and she couldn't avoid a grin while she walks away.

„Hey miss – know – it – all," he says and throws a file on the reception desk.

„Still curious?" she asks without looking at him. „Go and ask her on your own," she tells him and leaves.

Something tells him that she won't say anything and the only way to find out is to go and see her. He hesitates and ends up in his office, lying in his chair by the door.

Why couldn't he just go and see her? That's all he wants but something keeps him away from her.

He tries to relax and forget the look in her eyes, the look on her face when she desperately tried to stop it. He saw the pain and the sadness and he can't forget it.

His eyes are closed, the lights switched off and the only light that shines in his room is a small light from the floor.

He could go home but he's lazy and for the moment it feels so comfortable that she decides to stay where he is.

The door opens slowly and his eyes need a few seconds to get used to the dark but he knew it was Stacy before he opens them, he smelled her perfume.

„I thought we-" he starts in a hoarse voice but she cuts him off.

„Shut your mouth," she says and walks around the chair to lay down beside him, her head on his chest, his arm round her.

He wipes a few hairs out of her face. „You okay?"

„Yes," she whispers. „Yes, I'm with you."  
„But -."

„Don't say anything," she tells him and relaxes in his arms.


	6. Pain comes later

Addiction – Chapter six: Pain comes later

She didn't know how long they layed in his office. She felt totally relaxed and comforted at this moment that she didn't think about anything else.

She loved the way his chest moved up and down slowly under his calm breaths and the way he touched her cheek tender with a thumb while he hold her.

And somehow, she ended up in his apartment. The one she knows too good and nothing really changed. It looks like she never left except that it's untidier now.

She remembers anything that happened in there and suddenly all the forgotten memories flood her mind and a light pain spreads inside her chest.

Again she realizes what she lost by leaving him and the fact that it'll never be the same again makes her sad. At the end their relationship was a mess and she wished that it would've ended differently, maybe never ended.

She understands what he went through but she didn't when she should've understood it. The fact that he blamed her hurt too much and she couldn't see through it all to realize what was going on.

He made her feeling guilty in a horrible way and she couldn't stand it anymore and left him.

Standing in his apartment she tries to catch every single detail of their common past with her eyes and the anger starts to rise with every detail she takes in.

Why the hell did he bring her here? And why did she go with him?  
She feels manipulated because he took her home. First he held her close and once she was weak enough, taken her home.

She knows that this won't end up good and turns her head to the door.

„Leave," she tells herself. „Leave or it's gonna be too late," she repeats in her mind but her feet won't move.

„Why did you take me here?" she asks in a low, abscent voice, not looking at him. „Tell me, why?"

„You wanted to come," he says and walks closer.

„Don't," she orders him and takes a step back. „Stay where you are," he voice is shaking from anger. „You shouldn't have asked me you know that!"

„And why?" he asks, still pretty calm.

„I am married and I shouldn't even be here!" she says and her voice becomes louder.

„You didn't care about your marriage when you came to my office all the time and you didn't care about it when I screwed you a few days ago!" he tells her with an angry voice. The thing that pisses him off the most is the fact that she knows that she's not going to be luck with Marc anymore and still, she tries to tell herself that everything will be fine in the end just to show him she can handle it but it' too late. It already went out of control.

„That was a mistake, a stupid mistake," she yells.

„You marriage was a mistake!"

„Sure, because staying with you would have been so much better," she throws in with an ironic undertone.

„You just married him because you thought you could get rid of me, forget me. That was a mistake." he begins and this time she doesn't protest when he comes closer.

She's never been so furious before and deep inside of her she knows that he's right but she can't admit it because of her pride. She needs to do something, needs to protect herself, yell at him or just run away but the anger is taking charge of her actions and tears well up in her eyes when she hits him in his face.

She needs a few seconds to realize what she did and so does he. This sudden pain surprised him when she slapped him and he blinked several times before looking at her again. For some reason he couldn't even be mad with her.

„Why did you come back?" he asks her without loosing her out of view. „Tell me why the hell did you come back? Everything was fine and than you came back!"

„Nothing was fine," she screams and tears run down her cheeks. „Nothing was fine."

For a moment he isn't sure what to say and if she meant it for her or both of them. Of course it wasn't fine but he learned to life with it or tried to life with it and everything was gone when she showed up again.

„You love him?" he asks her and she just tands a few steps away.

„What?" she asks in disbelieve because he irritated her with that question. „Tell me one fucking reason why I should tell you something like this," she almost whispers.

„You fucked me, is that good enough?" he answers and laughs bitterly. It makes him more furious with every second that passes by and the thought about teasing her more and more comes to his mind. She caused him so much pain the past years and now it's time for payback. He puts up a smile and knows with a perverted joy that it'll piss her off more than it did before.

„Isn't that a good one?" he asks, standing in front of her. She's got no space to run away, all that's behind her is the wall.

„I hate you," she hisses with all the hate she can bring up. He doesn't ask if she loves him because he already knows it.

„And you don't hate him, right?" he whispers and takes her hand to push her at the wall, she ignores the pounding pain in jer head when she hits the wall uncomfortable.

„No, I don't," she answers in a hoarse voice and looks in his eyes.

„But you love me even more," he says and the look in her eyes tells him everything he needs to know although she tries best to cover it.

„You're a goddamn bastard," is all she can say before he kisses her hard and painful. Unable to move she wants to hit him with all her strength but all she does is giving in and replies the kiss with all the rage she kept inside of her.

Her fingernails dug into his shoulders and she likes the thought that it might hurt him.

He opens her blouse fast and she hears several buttons fall to the ground.

She tries to push herself away from the wall but she's too strong for her and he kisses her sternum down to her stomach and again she tries to push him away only to hold him closer the next second when she takes his face with both hands to kiss him more passionate than she wanted it to be and hits his teeth with her own.

„You like that, don't you?" he whispers in her ear.

„Fuck you," she says a bit breathless and closes her eyes, moaning unwillingly when he places a hand between her legs.

„I know you do, you're a dirty little girl," he says and watches her when he pushes harder against her.

„Oh god..." she whispers and turns her head away from him. Her legs start to feel shaky and she knows there will be marks left tomorrow when he kisses her troath.

Somehow he manged to put off all her clothes before he pushes her down on the bed and she bits her lip and winced for a moment when the pain starts. This seems to be more comforting than being pressed against a cold wall and she allows him to push her into the soft sheets with his full weight and excitement thrills her body when she feels him inside her.

Again, she starts to fight and her body curles up under his. She moans out loud several times, moving her head from one side to the other, not able to think about anything. She knows he's close just like she is and she bits her already hurt lip so that she won't scream and show him he's right.

She tastes warm blood dripping in her mouth when she bits harder and tears flood her eyes. Tears of pain, guilt and love no matter if she wants it or not.

The warm liquid of tears flows down her cheeks and than she does it. She screams.

She screames and there's silence when he lays down beside her, revealling her naked body and allows her to breathe completly exhausted.

She listens to her pounding heart and feels disgusted by the bloody taste in her mouth but she ignores it and falls asleep.

The next time she opens her eyes it's night and he's sleeping beside her. She stands up as silent as she can and wraps a coverlet around her body and walks inside the bathroom. She shivers for a second when her bare feet touch the cold ground and locks herself in the warm bathroom.

She watches her pitty face in the mirror and touches her swollen lip where she bit it.

She leans her back against the door and lets herself slide down and sits on the ground, her knees tight at her body. The room infront of her eyes blurres and tears well up in her eyes when the pain hits her very hard. She sobs heavily and tries to be calm, she doesn't want to know him.

She feels sick and regrets everything she does. Every gentle touch, every feeling she has and she regrets what she did but she can't change it anymore.

She never felt that bad before, never felt so guilty. She hates herself more than ever because she's been so weak again and she should've known it better.

God, she knew it and she stayed. She stayed because she wanted it, she wanted him. She feels sick and dirty. She feels disgusted by herself because she screwed him. Again.

She wants to hit someone, yell at someone, she wants someone to feel her pain and cries more and more. Her hands close around the small crucifix that lays cold against her bare skin.

She's a sinner. A weak and cruel person.

Beside all the pain she feels, that there's shame when she looks in the mirror. Her eyes are red and empty and she can't help but feel pity for herself.

She needs to get out of here, she thinks. She has to leave before he notices it.

She walks out of the bathroom and silent tears run across her face and she tries not to sob and wake him up.

She needs several minutes to get all her things and prays that he won't wake up and leaves the apartment with a last look at him.

On her way to Lisa the wind hits her wet face and makes he shiver. She feels rediculous and couldn't stop crying since she left his apartment. She feels more embarassed than she ever did before and to her own relief Lisa isn't there. She left a note, telling her she will be home later.

She takes a shower and touches her throat where he kissed her and wants to forget everything, tries to wash it away, but the pain won't go away. Later she sits down on the sofa in the dark, stairing in the air, asking if he already noticed that she left. Alone and desperately crying...


	7. Picking up pieces

**This one is for you Rebeca... I just decided that I'll decicate this one to you, hope you'll like it!**

Addiction – Chapter seven: Picking up pieces

She feels exhausted from crying, tired because she hardly slept and she's tired from thinking and drowning in her feelings that are full of guilt.

On the one hand she feels like she should run away, she doesn't want to see Lisa like this but on the other hand she needs the presence of someone who will help her out of this until she gets weak again. She needs Lisa and her ability to comfort someone without doing much. She needs her to hold her in the arms and soothe her wounded soul.

Her heart starts beating fast when she hears a key by the door and she remains where she is.

Lisa tries to be calm when she enters her house because she's not sure if Stacy is already sleeping. When she enters the living room she sees someone sitting there in the darkness.

„Hey Stacy," she says and walks in the room.

„Hey," she answers in a hoarse voice and tries to hide that she'd been crying. She doesn't turn around to look and Lisa knew that something is wrong. She reaches the sofa with fast steps and sits down and Stacy bows her head to watch her fingers.  
„You look like crap," she says and sounds worried.

„I know," Stacy answers with the same abscent voice she had a few seconds ago.

„What happened?" Lisa wants to know and she notices even more how bad she looks when her eyes got used to the darkness. After a few seconds of silence she knew that there won't be an answer.

„Look at me," Lisa says calm.

„I can't," Stacy answers in a tearful voice.

She takes her hand and touches her chin to turn her head around.

For a moment she doesn't know what to think about the things she sees. She looks tired, her eyes are red and swollen from crying and her lips look like she'd been hit.

She shakes her head even though she can't believe it.

„He did that?" she wants to know in a cold voice although she can't believe it. She wouldn't want to believe it.

„No," Stacy whispers. „I bit it."

„You were with him?" she asks, already knowing the answer.

„I shouldn't have been there," she starts talking more to herself. „God, I was so stupid."

This time, Cuddy failed. She doesn't know what to say this time and it wouldn't make any sense because she'll always end up with him.

She feels angry because of her helplessness. She wants to do something to help her and she also can't judge her, who knows what she'll do in such a situation?

However, she's mad at her, she knew it all and she knew it would cause pain and she was right. She was stupid.

„Say something," Stacy begs her.

„What the hell do you think should that be?" Cuddy wants to know and stands up. „How do you think this will end up?"

„I don't know," she answers honestly and Cuddy cuts her off, reminding herself to the fact that she doesn't wanted to judge her but maybe she needs that now,

„Do you know what we all went trough when you left the first time? It was the hell, not just for him. I had to deal with him all the time. I don't know if I can stand that again!" she says and walks around just to do something.

„I'm afraid," she says silent. „I'm afraid how this will end up. I don't know if I can be there for you everytime yourun into his arms and come back completly confused and hurt."

Stacy tries to think about something to say but her mind seems to be pretty empty. She never thought about it. She never thought that she could hurt one of her friends.

„What do you expect me to do?" she asks Stacy and turns around. „Tell me, what should I do?"

„Cuddy... I," she starts, looking for some more words and for just a second she thinks to see tears blinking up in her eyes.

She'll be the one who ends up alone again when she leaves and she'll be the one who has to take care of House when it happens again. She's the one who has to pick up the pieces.

„You ever thought what will happen if you'd leave?" Cuddy asks calmer. „You won't do yourself a favour. You said it, you can't let him go so try to find a way to deal with him before it's too late!"

„I never wanted it to be like that, I always thought I would be strong enough but obviously I was wrong!" she says and watches Cuddys back.

„Maybe I should leave," she says, knowing that she's wrong.

„And then?" Cuddy asks and Stacy hears she's close to tears although she tries to be strong.  
„Leave me alone with everything? Again? I swear if you leave without talking to him, I'll get you back just to kill you with my own hands," she says and Stacy knows that she's the one who has to give comfort now.

„Lisa," she says in a silent voice, softer than it was before and this time she doesn't interrupt her. Stacy lays her arms around her and holds her close. She closes her eyes and relaxes when she realizes that Lisa tightens the embrace.

„I never meant to hurt you," Stacy whispers on her ear and lays her head on her shoulder.

„I know you did," she whispers back. „Are you okay?" she wants to know again although she alredy knows the answer and Stacy needs several seconds to answer.

„I wish I could say that I am."

„Tell me," Lisa offers and she wouldn't accept a refuse now. „Not here," she says and Stacy follows her into the bedroom where she leans against the pillows.  
„That's better," she says and gives her a short smile.

„In any case, it's more comforting than a wall," she thinks and ignores the pain in her back when she crawls next to Lisa.

„So tell me," she says in a calm voice.

„I don't know where to start."  
„Wherever you want, it doesn't matter. Just give it a try."

„I don't know why I left him," she starts after a couple of minutes thinking about where to start. Well, she knows why she left him but the reasons seem to be rediculous.

„After his surgery I was so mad at him and everything around me that I couldn't stand being around him. I hated everything he did and I don't wanted to understand him. It wasn't that I couldn't understand him, I just don't wanted to."

„It wasn't easy for you too," Cuddy says.

„Neither was it for you."  
„No."

„I was so furious and hurt that I decided to leave him. I blamed him for everything that happened just like he blamed me and made me feeling guilty. I was so mad at him and I never thought _I _could do something wrong," she goes on and takes a few deep breathes. „I was pissed because of his behaviour, he wasn't the man I fell in love with anymore, but I never realized why he acted like that until it was too late."

„It was understandeable in some way. For both of you," Cuddy says and hopes that she won't get it wrong.

„It should've been understandeable for me!"

„People make mistakes, you can't change it anymore."  
„I was too afraid to face it all so I left him. I felt good at the beginning. I don't had to care for someone and I could do whatever I wanted to but someday I realized that I made a mistake but I knew I couldn't come back because I hurt him even more," she stopped for a couple of seconds, thinking about mentioning Marc and is glad that Lisa doesn't ask any questions for now.

„When I met Marc, I forgot it all for a while. I felt loved and comforted and I he was so different," she says and Lisa laughs at this. Compared to House everyone appears to be Prince Charming.

„I'm not sure if I really forgot him or just pushed it away," she says and thinks about it for a moment.

„I felt like the luckiest woman on earth and then he got ill."

„And you met House again," Lisa throws in.

„It hardly took my breath away when I saw him walking toward me."  
„You pushed it away," Lisa says. „You were already married when you saw him. You shouldn't have reacted like this if you were happy."  
„Thanks. That's what Greg said too."

„And were you still lucky this time?"

„Yes, at the beginning. The worse Marc got, the unhappier I became. I'd gone trough this once so I knew how it would be and I told myself to act differently this time and then Greg was there."

„What happened than?" Lisa asks. The only thing she knows is that they'd sey but it must've been more than just sex.

„He comforted me. He seemed to understand it and he turned into the man I loved with all my heart and although he was still mad at me after all those years he was there for me."

„What did Marc say?"  
„He never knew I was with him and I also never told him that I slept with him. I always thought it would be okay if I'll leave it like that but this time it was harder to leave."

„Because you realized what you could have with him?"

„Yes and it was so much more than Marc had left for me. I was so unhappy when we moved back and he probably knew this but he never said anything. We hadn't had sex anymore and kept fighting for little things that were of no importance a couple of times the day."

„That's bad and he never said anything?"

„Not a single word," Stacy answers. She should've called him, shouldn't she?

„I was so glad when you offered me the job that I took it without thinking about it. For me, it seemed to be my chance to get out there. I thought everything would calm down because of the distance but it didn't work."

Stacy leans into Cuddy shoulder and sinks deeper into the pillows amd suddenly she feels very tired but goes on with talking because it feels so good.

„Greg was probably the most important reason for me to come back. I was longing for him and I missed talking to him and even fighting with him."

„If you love him so much, why can't you just be together like anyone else?" Cuddy asks and knows that it's not that easy with them.

„I don't know. We never really talked," Stacy says. „I know I told you we did but that was wrong," she adds. „I wish we just could be together but there are a lot of unsaid things left between us."

„I guess talking isn't that easy, is it?" Lisa asks and Stacy shows her the hurt lip.

„I see..." Cuddy says and sighs. „What the hell did you do?"

„You don't wanna know," Stacy says and tries not to laugh because it isn't funny at all.

„We tried to talk," she starts and clears her troath.

„You can't make it undone, where exactly is your problem?"

„The problem is that I knew it would end up in a disaster and despite that I stayed."

„Interesting..." Lisa says.

„I slapped him," Stacy says dry and Lisa turns her head with a surprised look on her face.

„You didn't!" she says and finds it hard to believe because Stacy isn't one of those people who hit others to defend herself. She's a lawyer and actually she knows how to do it with words.

„I was so angry that I couldn't help myself in a different way."

„What did he do after it?" Cuddy wants to know.

„Nothing. He did nothing except yelling at me later. He was so damn angry and I provoke him."  
„And than you had...?"

„Yes."

„How do you feel now?"

„I don't know. I hate myself for what I did. I feel like a whore!"

„O come on, stop feeling pity for yourself!" Lisa says with a laugh.

„It's true," Stacy says and hates the fact that she doesn't take it serious but on the other hand she likes the try to cheer her up a bit.

„How do you felt the next morning?" Stacy asks minutes later and lays on the side to look at her completly. Her voice is calm and serious.

„I always thought you forgot about it," she answers and knows exactly which morning she means.

„We never talked about it," Stacy says.

„You think this is the right time?"

„Maybe. We have to talk about it."

„After all those years?"

„Even after all those years," Stacy says and hopes it won't be too uncomfortable.

„I was shocked when I woke up," Lisa begins to talk.

„That's what I felt too."

„I was angry because it happened and I was angry at everything that happened after it..."

„I felt guilty," Stacy throws in and isn't sure if there's a sign of sadness in her eyes.

„Just like I did."

„But that's not the reason why it broke, Lisa."

„I wasn't sure about that for a long time."  
After a while without anything being said, Stacy starts to laugh.

„What?"

„I would like to tell you that you were good but unfortunately I can't remember it," she says and Lisa laughs too.

„Same."

„Tell me, what was the main reason for being angry with me. The fact that you'll have to deal with him is a bad excuse."

„I know," she whispers.

„You are afraid that I'll leave you."

„I love you as my best friend and I missed you all the time," she says and looks her in the eyes.

„I know you do and I missed you too," she whispers and approaches to lay an arm around her, her head rests on her shoulder and she starts to fall asleep...


	8. Soothe my wounded soul

Addiction Chapter 8 – Soothe my wounded soul

_She wakes up with her head resting on her shoulder. Probably too close and she thanks God that Cuddy is still sleeping. She crawles herself out of the bed and takes a shower, hoping she won't wake her up. For some reasons she feels like avoiding her this morning._

_She goes to work without her and while she's on her way she feels stupid, because she didn't wake her up and hopes she won't oversleep._

_She feels ashamed when she walks past his office and all the memories of last night come back and the pain in her her head, her back and her lip remind her of what happened._

„Oh God," she thinks and lays her head in her hands.

„What did I do?" she asks herself three days later. She manages to avoid him and it worked well to her own surprise. Probably due to the fact that House did the same and she knows they'll have to talk someday no matter how painful it will be.

And there is Cuddy.

Cuddy who once was such an important part of her life. The woman who was there for so many years when they went to college together. The woman who became more important than ever in the last time.

The woman she had sex with and the one she's thinking about.

She feels stupid, because she left without a word three days ago although she knew she would be there in the evening.

„Maybe I should've woke her up or at least left a note..." she thinks. „What about Marc?" she thinks and blinks sudden tears away when the guilt cuts into her like a sharp knife.

She probably ruined his life, but maybe she's too selfish to care about him, because her own life turned into a complete disaster.

The day passed by and she decides to go to the cafeteria for Dinner and thinks about asking Cuddy to join her, but she changes her mind. Maybe that little bit of distance will be good.

She finds an empty table in the hall which seems to become pretty crowded around lunchtime. She sits down and sips her coffee. For some reason she decided against food and tries to switch off her thoughts for at least a little while.

Her left hand holds her crucifix and her eyes focus on the fdoor when she sees Greg walking in. She tries to look away in order to stay unnoticed, but of course he saw her. She could see that he hesitates from the corner of her eye, but finally he makes up his mind and approaches.

Her heart pounds and the nervousness lets her hands shiver and before she can think about something to say he sits down in front of her.

She expects a bad comment, something about the night, something to piss her up, but it remains silent.

He says nothing and she dares to look up when she notices that he won't say anything for the first time.

Due to the look on his face she knows he's thinking. Thinking about something to say about their relationshp, if you can call it a relationship. A therapist would probably earn a fortune with whatever goes on between them.

„Hey," he says and sounds shy. But Greg and shy? If this situation wouldn't be so serious she would laugh or make fun of him, but that is his part and she respects him in some way and that stops her. These are two things from which she thought they'd never work together and that's Greg and shyness, but obviously she was wrong.

„Hello," she answers silent and clears her throat. Her hand still rests on the table beside her coffee and suddenly she notices that his hand is about to make a movement, but he changes his mind. She feels awkwardly touched and pretends to wipe a few hairs out of her face to have a reason to take her hand away from the table.  
She needs to fight now, she wants to be strong for one single moment in her life and maybe this is it. This is her moment to be strong and her hand won't come closer anymore.

„I gotta go back," she says and tries to avoid to look at him when she stands up.

She always thought she would feel free or proud when she does this, but she doesn't. She can't be happy, because she still needs him too much.

She leaves the cafeteria with a well known pain inside her chest and leaves him back, sitting there alone, like a fool who seems to struggle with the same things.

Later this day she has to see Lisa, because of a case and she knows that there was no other way, but facing her and she'll also see her at home so it actually doesn't matter.

„Hey Lisa," she says in a soft and friendly voice when she walks in and she looks up from her desk.

„Hi, hows you?" she asks and puts up a light smile, but Stacy knows that something bothers her.

„I'm okay," she answers and they both know that it's a lie.

„Are you okay?" Stacy wants to know. They didn't talk much the past three days and although Stacy thought things would be better after talking about the sex, it didn't seem to work.

Old feelings start to refresh itself and it'll probably cause a few more problems, beside the ones she already has.

„Yes," Cuddy simply answers and silence comes up. „Why did you left in the morning?" Cuddy asks calm. That was what kept her thinking all the time.

„I don't know," Stacy answers honest and shakes her head. „I'm serious. I didn't know why I left."

„Was it because of me?"

„I didn't want to wake you up."

„That's not what I mean."

Of course it isn't what she means, but she hoped to find a way to avoid it.

„Maybe we shouldn't have talked about it," she starts.

„You thought it was the right time."

„I know," she says. „It's okay. It was right."

„Okay," Lisa answers and she isn't sure whether to believe this or not.

„Maybe it was a mistake," Stacy thinks when she stands up. Maybe it was a mistake to bring it up again.

„I gotta go," she says soft.

„Yes," is all she can reply.

„Lisa?" Stacy says by the door and she watches her. „See you later."

Cuddy needed a few seconds to order her thoughts. This confused her more than she thought it would.

Perhaps it was a mistake to talk about the past, but she has to deal with it and everything that comes along now.

When it's past ten she decides to throw in the towel and goes home. The lights in her house are switched off and she doesn't expect Stacy to be there, but somehow she hoped it.

It's no secret where she is and unwillingly she starts to prepare herself for the coming. She would come home at some point this night or at least in the morning and she has to be there.

She already got used to it.

She knocks at his front door after several minutes of thinking about doing it or not. He opens the door and steps aside to let her in without a word.

„What can I do for you?" he asks and closes the door.

She fights hard to focus on the right things and sits down on the sofa.

„I'm sorry," she says silent and he sits down in front of her. „I'm sorry for leaving you in the cafeteria like that today."

„You shouldn't be here Stacy," he says calm.

„I just wanna talk to you. Is that so wrong?" she wants to know and she realizes that her voice trembled a bit at the end.

„No, but..." he starts and thinks about something to say.

„Tell me," she begs him.

„We both know how this will end up," he says and avoids her gaze. „It'll always be the same."

„Don't you think we'll ever be able to change that?"

„I don't know. I wish I could say that," he answers and deep inside, he hopes that they'll manage to make it work out someday before it's too late.

„Can't we just give it a try?" she asks in a low voice and he knows that she has tears in her eyes without looking at her. Than he stands up...

Lisa walks through her house and tries to get used to the silence. Since Stacy is there, she always had someone to talk to and she started to like it and now she has to deal with the terrible silence again.

„What is going on between us?" Lisa asks herself when she walks into the kitchen. She feels something heavy lasting on her. Something that grew within the last days and she can't say what it is.

„Maybe I can flush it away with alcohol?" she thinks and takes a bottle out of the fridge. „A try is worth it."  
She waches the red liquid fillilng the glass, and leans at the counter before drinking it all at once. She closes her eyes and feels the bitter wine running down her throat, filling her stomach with a comforting warmth.

She's always there when Stacy needs her and once she needs someone to take care of her, no one's there.

She regrets that she can't remember what happened at college. She wants to feel it. She wants to be comforted.

She follows his actions with her eyes and tries to blink her tears away when he sits down beside her.

„Stace," he starts, and she looks away. „I don't know what to do," he says in a calm voice. „I want to be with you, but something holds me back."

„Are you still mad with me?" she wants to know. This isn't the first time she asked him that, but this is different. This time she tells herself not to yell at him. „I want to know the truth. Are you still mad with me?" She asks calm, but strong and turns around.

„Yes, I am," he answers and to her own surprise, it doesn't hurt that much. She always knew that. „I hated you for such a long time for what happened."

„Past?" she asks. „So you don't hate me anymore?"

„Do you?"  
„Sometimes."

„I don't hate you anymore, but I'm still mad with you," he says. „Tell me how you feel," he says silent and very soft.

„I like to cry," Stacy starts and watches her hands. I don't know what to do. I can't go on like this, but I also can't life without you. I wanna scream and I feel desperatly helpless..." she says silent and swallows.

„I just wanna love you," she whispers and Greg touches her cheek soft to turn her head to face her.

She drank the wine faster than she should have, but for once in her lifetime, she doesn't care. She leans herself against the counter and sinks down to the cold ground, because she feels tired and her legs don't want to carry her anymore. She closes her eyes again and breathes slowly, the alcohol has his affection on her and she relaxes.

A smile appears on her face when she sees her face in front of her eyes. The warm brown eyes and her wonderful, soft lips. The always gentle smile.

She feels her hands on her waist, caressing the bare skin softly and her lips come closer. So close that the warm breath touches her cheeks and a shiver runs through her body.

Although she sits on the cold ground, her body seems to glow and her cheeks blush from the alcohol and the imagination she tries to think of.

She feels her amazing, soft lips on her own and she can't breathe or think anymore. It feels so good and she feels like flying, and suddenly something gets her back and everything is gone.

Lisa opens her eyes and stares into the disconsolate darkness of her kitchen with no one beside her. She hates herself for thinking about things like that, how could someone be so desperate?

She feels ashamed and stupid and knows that this is not going to happen. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't even think about having feelings for her best friend, but she can't help, and what the hell is normal?

She takes a few deep breathes, but she can't hold it back. The tears flood her eyes and the warm liquid flows down her cheeks...

This touch is so different, softer than before. She takes his hand in her own and lays her cheek against it. Something in her mind tells her to be careful.

„I can't stand to loose you again," she whispers.

„I know," he answers and the tone in his voice tells her that he really knows this.

She watches him patiently, the blue of his eyes shining bright in the semi-darkness. She remembers this look, that's so warm, full of love and simply determined. The last time she saw this look was when he told her that he loves her for the very first time in her life and she'd been the luckiest woman on earth. Now she's in her mid-forties, unhappily married, completely devastated by her feelings; caused because of an affair with the man she once loved with all her heart. She still loves him, but something changed. She moved in with her best friend inofficially and starts to feel something she shouldn't. He whole life is messed up and at a certain point, her soul was torn apart.

She enjoys the warmth of his hand against her cheek, and a coomforting feeling spreads inside her when his thumb starts to touch her hurt lip. His finger moves slowly and carefully as though he tries to pain take her pain away. He doesn't want to hurt her.

His hand slides down her throat and caresses the marks he left there.

„I wish you a wonderful night," he whispers and lifts her chin up again, breathing a feather light kiss on her lips.

„Thank you," she replies, still stunned because of the emotions and a light smile appears on her face when she leaves.

She tries to control her breathing while she sobs heavily, and her body feels so light now. After a while, she thinks that something was taken away from her. The anger and the sadness seem to leave for a moment, because she allowed the tears to flow.

What happened to the always perfect Dean of medicine? The woman who's got enough power to run a hospital, the one who always appears to have everything under control, the one who never shows any emotions to others. Now she's nothing more than a desperate woman, a pathetically drunk one whose life started to tremble, because of her forbidden feelings.  
She empties the last glass of wine and places it next to the empty bottle and lays her head on her knees, her arms pulling them close. For a moment she feels dizzy when she closes her eyes, but the alcohol lets her fall asleep a few seconds later.

Stacy took her time by going home, thinking about what just happened. Maybe this is some kind of try.

She opens the front door and walks in. She expects Cuddy to be there, because of the light in the bathroom. She checkes the living room and opens her bedroom door careful to see if she's sleeping, but her bed looks pretty untouched.

„Lisa?" she asks and walks into the kitchen. She walks around the counter and frightens for a moment when she sees her sitting there.

She doesn't show any reaction when Stacy came into the room and due to the empty bottle beside her, she hopes that Lisa is just sleeping.

She takes the glass and the bottle and puts them on the counter before going down to her knees.

She wipes a few hairs out of her face and tucks them behind her ear.

„Lisa," she says soft and calm. „Wake up Lise," she says still calm and hopes that she doesn't have to scream.

She touches her cheek gently and feels relieved when she starts to wake up.

She opens her eyes slowly and frightens, becuse there's someone with her. Obviously she doesn't know where she is.

„It's okay," Stacy says to becalm her. „I never meant to frighten you."

„I know this voice," Lisa thinks and her eyes get used to the light that she must have switched on.

„Of course I do, it's her!" she tells herself and a smile appears on her face.

„Stacy," she says as though she hadn't seen her before or didn't know she would come.

This smile seems to be too happy to Stacys mind and it absolutely doesn't fit her.

„Honey what are you doing?" she wants to know. Cuddy never gets unfoundly drunk. There must be something that threw her out of balance.

The smile on her face distinguished when the truth, that lead her there, comes back. She shakes her head and tears well up in her eyes. Stacy bits her lip, because she feels more than sorry for her.

„Lise, tell me," Stacy begs her, but Lisa tries to hold her tears back, she won't say anything.

Her knees start to hurt and she sits down on the ground in front of her.

Suddenly, the conversation, they had in her office earlier that day, comes to her mind, and everything seems to make sense.

„Oh my God," she whispers. „I'm sorry," she remembers that she told her to be there in the evening, but this was not about a broken promise, there's something more.

„I should've been there," Stacy starts, not sure what to say. „I should've been there when you needed me, but I was too stupid to realize that. I understand it if you're angry with me."

„Yes," is all she answers.

„You're angry with me, because I wasn't there," she says and lifts her hand to pretend to wipe a few hairs out of her face, but she turns her head away. Stacy is irritated for a moment, but decides to go on.

„You're angry, because you needed someone to talk to, someone to hold you," Stacy goes on and with every word she realizes more and more what she did to her. A single tear falls down her cheek and she goes on talking.

„And you're angry, because I put you into this. I was the one who made you remember this and I left you alone with that," she ends and Lisa bursts into tears.

When Stacy wants to hug her, she refuses.

„I go to bed," she says crying and Stacy stands up, because she imagines that this is going to be more complicated than Lisa would like it to be.

She tries to lift herself up and leans against the counter. Stacy is just right on time to catch her when she tries to take a step, because her feet don't want to carry her.

„Fuck," she hisses and regrets immediately that she drank so much.

Stacy lays her arm around her waist and leads her to her bedroom. Lisa decides that it's not worth to fight, because it's pretty sure that she'd loose.

She lays her down on the bed in a very soft way and puts the coverlet over her body, her eyes are closed and Stacy remains sitting beside her, not sure whether she's sleeping.

She watches her slow breathings and her porcelain skin, the sleeping beauty she seemed to have hurt a lot.

„I'm sorry," Stacy whispers again, knowing exactly that this probably won't make it better.

She already reached the door when she starts to speak.

„Stace," she says calm and sleepy and for a moment Stacy fears that she'd throw up.

„Come back," she says. If she can't have her completely, she'll take what she can get.

Lisa sits up and leans against the pillows, watching the woman by the door.

„Don't leave me alone," she says and watches her coming back. She lays down without a word, an arm around her. The warmth of the body, that nestles against her own comforts her.

„What are you doing to me?" Lisa whispers more to herself when she thinks that Stacy's already sleeping.

She tries to breathe calm and supress her tears. She'd like to know what's going on with all her heart, but she doubts that someone will give her any answers.


	9. I got nothing left

Addiction Chapter 9 – I got nothing left

**Addiction Chapter 9 – I got nothing left**

_Never ever felt your warmth cause you're always cold  
Only thing that makes sense is letting go_

The days get warmer and it's one of Stacy's free days at the weekend. She feels better than she did before, because the work became less in the past which shouldn't mean that her life is about to become okay again. It's everything, but not okay and sometimes the little things are the important ones, like less work. It now appears to be the most wonderful thing in the world. She sits on Lisa's porch and watches the morning sun rising slowly.

She tried to push it away, but she can't avoid it. She'll have to go home the next time, because she ran out of clothes and she can't wear Lisa's clothes all the time. If she really has to do this, she thinks about doing it this afternoon to have it done as quickly as possible. She hasn't talked to Marc for almost weeks and it wasn't only she who refused any contact. He could've tried to call her if he wanted to.

She feels nervous when she thinks about it.

"Good morning," Lisa says, coming out and sits down in the chair in front of Stacy. "What woke you up so early?" she asks calm.

Stacy lifts her shoulders and shakes her head.

"I don't know," she begins and sips on her coffee. "I just couldn't sleep anymore."

"Nothing else?" Lisa asks.

"You want some coffee?" Stacy offers and doesn't wait for an answer and walks inside to get her a cup of coffee too.

Lisa remains sitting outside, feeling a bit confused. Her feelings hadn't changed, but she managed to push them away. Of course this is not a solution, but it seems to be okay for the moment.

She watches Stacy coming back outside, handling her the cup.

"Thank you," she says, sure that there is something she wants to say.

She takes her time with sitting down and stares into the air for a couple of minutes before she starts to speak.

"I've to drive "home" today to pick up my things," she says calm.

"I understand," Cuddy tells her. And she really does, because she doesn't want to be in her situation, to be honest. "Are you okay with that?"

"Do I have a choice?" she asks with a look at Cuddy. "I have to do it. It's okay."

"Sure?"

"Yes," she answers with a smile.

The rest of the morning passes by in silence and the two woman watch the rising sun, lost in their own thoughts.

"You don't have to do that alone," Cuddy tells her around afternoon when she's about to leave. Cuddy knows that she would like to go with someone, but something inside of her tells her to go alone.

"What should happen?" she thinks and looks for her bag. "I'll just walk in and get my things," she thinks and answers Lisa's question: "I'm alright," she answers and ignores her nervousness. "But thank you," she says with a smile and pulls her into an embrace.

Her arms lay tight around the other woman's body and she feels her warmth and she couldn't help but allow herself to relax in her arms for a moment.

Lisa lays her head on her shoulder and takes a deep, long breath and closes her eyes. They both know that the embrace lasts longer than it should, but no one bothers about breaking it.

"I'll see you later Liz," Stacy says silent and wants to get out of the embrace, but her body decides against it. The warmth that her body spreads feels to good, but she knows that all good things come to an end, and she sighs silent and takes a step back. She looks up and her eyes catch Lisa's blue ones and for a moment, the time seems to stand still and she wants nothing else, but touch her. Unwillingly, she realizes that her hand moves forward.

"Fuck! Don't," she tells herself and takes her hand back, wiping a few invisible hairs out of her face instead.

"I… gotta go now," she says and clears her throat, hoping that she doesn't blush.

"Okay, till then," Lisa answers and watches her back while she leaves the house.

"What was that?" she asks herself and tries to clear her mind, touched by the sudden familiarity. The last time she called her Liz was in college and she can't remember a time when anyone else ever did that.

The drive seems to be endless and she thought about driving back to Princeton for a couple of times.

"I could buy new clothes," she thinks, but there are a lot of things she would miss. Things he doesn't know, things she kept away from him over the years.

She has to face it now and she'll get through it. "Please don't let him be home."

She was so occupied with her thoughts all the time that she didn't notice how the time passed by and the familiar street shows up in front of her.

"It would've been too nice," she thinks when she sees his car in the driveway.  
She leaves her car down by the street and walks along the way to her house. She decides not to think about it anymore and just walk in there. She lets her eyes wander and thinks that she'd miss it in some way.

She tries to find her keys in her back and prays to God that she hadn't left them at Lisa's.

"Come on," she thinks and she finally finds what she's looking for.

She takes one last breath and tells herself that she is strong enough for that and opens the door. She tries to be calm although she knows that it's ridiculous, because he'll notice that someone is in the house, if he's there.

She walks into the living room and looks around, noticing that nothing really changed in the past weeks when she wasn't there.

"Maybe he's got someone to clean up for him," she thinks and is about to go to the bedroom to get her things when he calls her back.

"Hey," he says and she hears that he's angry. "Nice of you to show up," he says and approaches.

"I just want to pick up some of my things," she answers and turns around to walk into the bedroom.

"Who do you think you are?" he almost screams and follows her.

She takes a bag out and opens the wardrobe to take her things out. "I think I know pretty good who I am."

"Very funny," he answers and something in his voice scares her. "You stay away from me all the time and no you're coming back so easily?"

"I told you, I'll just get my things."

"You're leaving me?" he wants to know.

"Come on, what do you think?"

"You just walk in here and tell me that you're leaving me?"

"It was just a matter of time, we both know that things went wrong," she says and tries to be calm.

"It all started with him, I told you not to go!"

No, things went wrong before I took the job," she screams. "It all went wrong before!" she closes the bag and wants to leave, but he doesn't let her walk by.

"Listen to me," he whispers angry and the threatening tone in his voice tells her to listen.

"I love you and we're married, you can't just walk away from me. You married me, you wanted it too!"

"You could've called me or something else if you love me the way you said it, but you didn't. Don't try to blame that all on my. I might have made mistakes, but we made them both earlier. And now I think that it was a mistake to marry you," she hisses angry and walks by.

"Stay where you are!" he screams and she's surprised and shocked at the same time and she wonders that he stands so close to her.

"Did you fuck him?" she asks loud and she couldn't help, but laugh in his face.

"I think that this is none of your business anymore!" she answers and opens the door with one hand.

"Answer my question!" he screams.

"Oh yes," she whispers. "I fucked him and it was good," she answers with a teasing, angry voice. She wants to go, but he takes her hand and pushes her against the door.

"You're a stupid bitch," he hisses. "A goddamn whore," he whispers and turns around. She wants to say something and the next thing she realizes is a heavy pain in her face and her head.

She falls backwards against the wall and hit it with her head and feels numb. She hasn't realized what happened when the pain sets in. She tastes warm blood in her mouth and tries to breathe calm, feeling dizzy.

"Get out," he screams, but her body can't move. She isn't sure about that, but her head seemed to have hit the wall a bit too hard.

He opens the door and throws her bag out and takes her wrist to push her out. She stumbles, because she still feels numb and her knees hit the ground very painful, and she managed to protect herself from falling completely. Again, she tries to breathe calm and fights against loosing consciousness. Her palms and knees hurt and she's sure that there will be blood. She tries to stand up and tears flood her eyes and she starts to sob.

She expected a lot of things to happen, but not this. He broke her and he hurt her in the most humiliating way. She cries, because of the pain, the anger, all the humiliating and the embarrassment she feels right now.

Slowly, she starts to pick up her things that lay on the way and she prays that no one sees her like this.

She stands up carefully, feeling heavily dizzy and it's hard to walk. Somehow she manages not to fall again until she reaches her car.

She leans back, feeling terribly exhausted and cries. Except all the other pain, there's a cruel pain inside her chest. She lived here and she liked it, but it shouldn't be and she feels the pain getting stronger when she thinks of the things that still lay inside the house, hidden in their secret place. The imagination that he'll find them and throw them away kills her.

She has to get out of here, but the pain inside her head and the dizziness make it impossible to drive. She takes her phone and dials his number with her shivering hand. She could als call Cuddy, but somehow she needs him now.

"Hey Stace," he says.

"Greg," she whispers, still crying.

"Are you okay?" he asks, sounding worries. She tries to becalm herself, but she can't stop crying.

"I… I need you to come," she says.

"Tell me where you are."

"I w-went to my house," she answers. "I'm on m-my car," she explains.

"Can you drive?" he asks.

"No."

"Okay, stay where you are," he says. "I'll be there."

She lets her tears fall and fights against the sudden sickness.

She said she can't drive so he needs someone to come with him, but who should he call? He sits in his car and things about it. He can choose between Cuddy and Wilson.

"Pick up," he says into the phone when he drives to her house. She might be more involved than Wilson.

"Cuddy?" she answers the call.

"I need your help," he says.

"House?!" she asks, feeling surprised. "Come on, it's Saturday. If this has anything to do with work, postpone it to Monday."

"It's Stacy," he answers.

"What happened?" she asks a little bit panicked.

"I don't know, but you have to come with me."

"Will you pick me up?" she asks.

"Come out," he answers and ends the call. She only needs a few seconds to come out and sits down beside him.

"What happened?" she asks again with a look at him.

"I don't know. She called me a few minutes ago and asked me to pick her up," he explains.

"She wanted to go home to get her things," Cuddy throws in.

"She cried when she called me."

"I should've insisted to go with her!"

"She said she can't drive, that's all I know."

"What the hell…?" Cuddy asks more to herself and House shakes his head without a word.

The rest of the drive is very quiet except a few moments when Cuddy tells him that he's driving too fast. He answers that she can walk if she'll complain further and she reminds him that he needs her and he asked her to come and silence comes up again.

"Is that her in the car?" Lisa asks when they drive into the street. House knows her car and he also knows that the pale, crying woman in the car is Stacy. Her stopped the car beside hers and doesn't care about the fact that his car stands in the middle of the street.

Cuddy is the first one to reach her. She opens the door and looks at her. She's crying, her face wet from all the tears, her eyes red and the rest is pale. She sees a bruise on the left side of her head; a part of it is swollen and looks painful. She has bloody scratches on her palms and one of her knees is bleeding.

Lisa shakes her head in disbelief when House shows up beside her.

"Stacy," he says loud but soft. She turns around and relief spreads inside of her, bringing new tears to her eyes.

"Let's get you out of here," he says and leads her to the backseat of his car with Cuddy.

"You don't have to explain it now," Cuddy says calm and wipes a few hairs out of her face and pulls her into a short, soft hug.

House watches the women and their familiarity and he knows that it has ever been there in the past, but what he doesn't knew is that it's still there.

"See you later," Lisa says and gets into Stacy's car.

The drive back seems to be endless and something tells her that Marc has something to do with it although she doesn't want to believe it. House seemed to think the same, but at first he wants to get her home and find out what exactly happened.

It's dark outside when they reach Cuddy's house. He gets out and stands in front of her.

"You take her home tonight?" Lisa asks.

"Yeah."

"Don't you want to bring her to the hospital? Just for a check? She looks pretty damaged," she says and he knows by the sound of her voice that she's still angry with herself.

"I'll check on her and see what's going on."

"Call me?"

"Yes," he answers and is about to turn around. "Thank you," and when she almost reaches her door, he says:" It's not your fault. Don't think about it," and for a moment he turned into the guy she met at college.

She nods and walks in.


	10. Recovering

Addiction: Chapter ten

Addiction: Chapter ten - recovering

It took him a few minutes to get from Cuddy's house to his and Stacy had already fallen asleep by the time he stopped the car in front of his.

He walks around the car and opens the door slowly.  
"Hey," he says silent and touches her cheek. "You've to wake up."

She opens her eyes and blinks several times before she faces him without a word. He helps her out of the car and lays his arm around her waist and leads her to his front door, which was quite difficult if you also have to walk with a cane.

Inside, he leads her straight to the bedroom and lays her down on the bed gently. Again, he thinks about bringing her to the hospital. He should've already done this, he thinks and sits down on the edge of the bed and watches her for a while.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"What for?"

She lifts her shoulders and avoids his gaze. "It's just… I don't know…"

"It's okay, I'll be back," he says and leaves the room to get her some ice for the swollen part of her face.

"Take this," he says and lays the ice slowly on the hurt part and she shrugs for a second when the cold hits her face.

"What do you thought about going alone there?" he wants to know. "I should kill him!"

"Greg, please…" she says.

"I swear I mean it."  
"And I beg you not to do," she whispers. "I know you're furious just like I am, but please don't do anything."

"He deserves it."

"I'm the lawyer and I tell you not to do anything, you understand me? Don't do anything stupid," she says and for a moment he thinks to see tears dwell up in her eyes. "I need you here with me. I need you, do you understand that?"

"Yes," he says and sits down beside her on the bed, with an arm around her. "But why didn't you say anything?"  
"I don't know, I didn't expect this to happen!"

"What exactly happened?" he asks her and waits for her answer.

"I just wanted to get my things," she starts. "I didn't expect him to be at home to be honest. I went in and than we started to fight," she explains and pauses for a second to take a deep breath and he knows that she wanted to cry, but she tries hard to stay strong. "I was so furious and it all went out of control and then… he…" she says and stops.

He holds her tighter and asks: "Are you okay? Although he knows that she isn't.

"Yes," she answers. I'm fine."

He stays silent and than he realizes that she started to shiver and with a closer look, he sees that she's crying.

"Everything's fine, right?" he says and she lays her head on his chest.

"It was so awful, " she whispers tearful. "It was just awful."

"You don't have to go back," he says. "You stay here."

She closes her eyes and tries to relax a little bit. The point that she will stay with him makes it a little bit better and she manages not to think about the possible consequences that might cause it and than she thinks about the things that she still hides in the house and the thought that he might find it causes pain inside her chest.

"I have to go back," she says into the silence.

"Why?"

For a moment she thinks about telling him the truth and she decides to tell him a little bit but not the whole thing. It's not the right time, to reveal everything.

"I still have something there," she says. "I need these things."

"Will you tell me what things you mean?" he asks and watches her from the side.

"Mhm, I will, but not tonight," she answers.

"I'll have to call Lisa," he says and she can't avoid a weak grin.  
"What?"

"Nothing. It's just so nice to hear you calling her "Lisa", because you hardly ever do so."  
He avoids answering this, because he doesn't know what he should say.

"I promised to call her once I brought you here to tell her what's going on."

"That's nice, thank you," she says and he leaves the room.

He sits down on the sofa, because his thigh hurt and he waits for Lisa to pick up the phone.

"Cuddy?" she says when she picks up the phone.

"Hey, it's Greg," he answers and asks himself if he should've called himself "House".

"Oh, Hi. How is she?" and by the tone of her voice, he could say that she was probably worrying all the time, but he didn't even think about making fun of that right now.

"She's okay I think. Physically," he starts to explain.

"That's good to hear," she says. "Under these circumstances she adds."

"Yes."

"What now?" she wants to know.

"Hell, I wish I'd know," he says. He can't remember a time when he talked to her like this. Without being mad or fighting. "I offered her to stay at my house," he says. "Is that okay with you?" somehow he feels the need to add this.

"Of course, why not," she answers and tries to sound like that.

"It's just… she stayed with you all the time," he tries to explain.

"It's okay Greg," she answers. "I know she will be safe than."

"Thank you," he answers and than, there's a moment of silence and he can hear her slow breath.

"Liz?" he asks without thinking about it.

Actually she wanted to say something, but the fact that he called her "Liz" made it impossible to speak, because she thought her heart stopped beating for a second and it brought tears to her eyes. The last time he called her "Liz" is ages ago when they were in college, when they've been friends.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I already said it," she starts, but he interrupts her.

"I'm not talking about Stacy, I'm asking you."

"Oh," she whispers. "I think I'm okay."

"You think or you know it?" he asks and he doesn't see Stacy standing in the doorway who listened all the time.

Cuddy couldn't help but laugh silently. She felt like being set back in her college time.

"I'm fine, thank you," she says in a stronger voice.

"Okay."

"Thanks for calling."

"No problem, see ya," he answers drops the connection and suddenly he feels to arms that lay around him.

"Hey," he says even though he hasn't seen her before.

"That was very nice," she says calm.

"What?"

"They way you talked to her."

"Well, I just told her that you're fine."

"But you never did it like this, you were nice and you can't deny it."

"You should sleep," he says and faces her.

"Don't change the topic."

"I'm serious."

She lets several seconds passing by before she answers: "I know you are."

He kisses her on the cheek and thinks about asking her what he wanted to ask all the time, but he wasn't sure if this is the right time. But will it ever be the right time to ask without hurting her.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks and sits down beside him.

"Nothing."

"Liar, I can see that you're thinking about something."

"It's okay," he answers.

"Please tell me what's going on with you," she says.

"Will you tell me what's going on with _you_ than?" he asks and she stands up.

"I'll go to bed," she says and he watches her back and he could almost feel her disappointment.  
"Think about Cuddy," is all he says and she waits a second before she walks into the bedroom.

He know he hit the right point and he doesn't meant to hurt her, although no one would expect this, he just wants to help her and even though no one would understand that he does understand it somehow, but he doesn't care.

He takes his time in the bathroom to give her enough time to think about it.

She walks back into the bedroom and sits down on the side of the bed. This time, she chose the other one. The side that once belonged to her.

"Think about Cuddy" were his words and she looks down on her knees, her hands on each side of her body.

"What about Cuddy?" she asks herself again and again. She doesn't know an answer, she doesn't know what to do, all she wants is that it won't end up in a disaster this time; she doesn't want this to end up like it did the last time. She feels things that she shouldn't feel, because Lisa is her best friend and Greg knows it.

How could she think he wouldn't? He always knew it, he always realized those little things. She doesn't turn around when she hears his slow steps and the sound of his cane when he enters the bedroom and she turns her head away when she realizes that he's about to sit down beside her.

Again, she watches her knees and she bits her lips before tears come to her eyes.

"I didn't want this to happen," she whispers. "I couldn't change it."

He isn't sure if she's talking about that one time in college or what's going on right now, but he tries to be careful what to ask right now.

"Things happen," he says. "You know that things happen sometimes."

"You hate me now?" she asks and he wasn't sure if she really meant it.

"No," he says and stares into the darkness of the room. "I think I already hated your enough."

"Things happen, right?" she says and turns her head to look at him.

"Yes."

There's silence and she thinks about something to say, but he starts to speak before she could think of something useful.

"Are you okay with that?"

"Hell, what do I know," she says and laughs bitterly. "I really wish I'd know, I don't know what to do. What about you? Are you okay with it?"

"We're talking about you, not about me."

"But I need to know it."

"I don't know, I think so."

"Seriously?"

"I always knew there was something… something else between you and Cuddy," he starts. "I always knew there was something more."

She didn't expect this, she never thought he noticed it like that and suddenly she feels ashamed and turns her head away.

He touches her chin with his left hand turns her head around slowly to look in here eyes.

"Do we really have to talk about that now?" she asks.

"Yes, I think you have to."

"I'm sorry."

"I love you and nothing is going to change that."

"What made you change your mind?" she wants to know. "I mean, I already know you for such a long time and you've been a real jerk the past years and now you're sitting here and you tell me that you think it's okay that I have feelings for Cuddy without making fun of me?" she asks a little bit suspicious.

"Sounds like a miracle, doesn't it?" he asks and he has to say that she's right with her thoughts. It might sound suspicious, but he has reasons for that.

She wants to say something else, but he already chose the perfect words.

"Yes, it does."

"I know."

"So what made you change?"

"You did," he said and leans forward to kiss her softly on her lips. "And the past years did it. I once made a big mistake and I don't want to loose you again, do you understand that? I don't know if I can hold you the next time," he says and she feels very touched. To hear those words out of his mouths is more than surprising and she waited for such a long time to hear them.

"Why now?" she asks and watches him.

"I'm afraid that I will loose you again, that's all and I'm tired of fighting."

"Wow…" she says silent.

"And Cuddy is a part of your life, so she's a part of mine too," he answers. "She has too," he adds.

"Don't act like you don't like her," Stacy says. "First thing is that she's your boss and she's always been a part of your life and the second thing is that you called her "Liz" on the phone, I heard it!"

He couldn't help but laughed because of this and although this day was one of the worst ones in her life, she's thankful to hear him laugh.

"Okay, okay," he says and actually, he didn't know why he did it. "Will you talk to her?"

"I'm afraid that I don't know what to say."

"Give it a little time," he says and lays down beside her.

"I love you," she says silent and lays on the side to kiss him once more.

"Does it still hurt?" he asks and points at her head.

"A bit," she says and touches the still swollen part.

"Want some?" he asks and shows her his pills beside the bed.

"No thank you," she says and smiles.

"Will you come in for a check tomorrow?"

"On Sunday?" she asks. "You never work on Sundays and I'm fine."

"We'll discuss that tomorrow."

"Yeah," she says and lays her head on his chest.

"Greg?"

"Mhm?"

"I have to get back once," she says.

"You want to do it tomorrow?"

"He probably won't be there than," she says more to herself.

"I don't care if he's there," he throws in and she rolls her eyes but smiles.

"Okay, so let's do it tomorrow," she says. "I'll just get it and we'll leave again."

"Am I allowed to destroy something?"

"No," she says and hits his arm. "At least not obviously."

"Okay, we'll see."

The next morning he wakes up, because he hears noses in the kitchen that sounds like cups and whatever she does there.

With a look at his alarm clock he finds out that it's 9am and to his mind, it's way too early to stand up at a Sunday morning when you don't have to work.

He tries to ignore her and after a while he thinks that she does that on purpose just to wake him up and so he gets out of the bed and walks on the cold floor with bare feet and finds her in the living room with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"How long are you already awake?" he asks when he walks by.

"I don't know. Forgot to check what time it is, but it was still dark outside. Maybe 7am or 8am," she says. "You want some coffee?"

"Yeah, I'll get myself a cup," he takes a cup out of the cupboard. "We don't have to do that today," he tells her. "We can do that whenever you want to."

"No, I want to do it today. I want to get through it."

"Okay," he says and leaves the room to take a shower, not knowing how the day is going to end.

The only things she hears is the sound of the water from the bathroom and she sees the phone that he left on the coffee table yesterday evening and she thinks about calling Cuddy to tell her that she'll go back again. Somehow, she feels like telling her this, but she changes her mind, because it's probably too early to call her.

She feels nervous, but she wouldn't tell him so. She really wants this to be over.

Almost two hours later, and she actually doesn't know what took them such a long time to leave, she sits in his car with him and she tries to figure out what she will do if he's there.

He watches her several times, he sees that from the corner of her eye, but she doesn't turn her head around.

"He won't be there," he says into the silence.

"You say that so easily."

"I'm with you."

"If that was such a good idea?" she says without looking at him. Beside all the worries about what is going to happen, she worries about House and what he's going to do, because she doesn't want him to do something stupid.

"I'll try to behave well," he says and smiles.

"Thanks," she answers dry.

"It'll be alright, you hear me?" he says and tries to cheer her up a little and she takes a deep breath.

Around 12am, they reach the so well-known street and for a moment she sees herself, kneeling on the street with all her things spread on the way around her. Crying and hurt. She takes another deep breath and closes her eyes to push the pictures away.

They walk up the way to the house and he notices that she doesn't feel good. She became silent the last minutes and they almost reached the door when she takes his hand.

"Do I have to break in?" he asks.

"No, I still have my keys."

"Okay."

She feels more than relieved when she notices that the front door is locked which means that he isn't at home, because he's probably never lock the door at daytime when he's at home.

"Seems that he's not there," she says and closes the door behind house. "You wait here," she orders him and walks to her ex-bedroom.

Of course he wouldn't just stay at the same spot and wait until she'll be back and so he starts to walk around, maybe he'll find something interesting.

Although she isn't alone, she feels uncomfortable and she tries to ban the voices out of her head that repeat their last fight, the one they had in here.

She goes down to her knees in front of the open wardrobe and frightens when she hears a loud noise from the living room.

"Hell, would you please be quiet," she yells out of the room.

"Sorry," says his silent voice and for a moment she asks himself what he does there, but if she thinks about this twice, she doesn't want to know it.

Carefully, she lifts a piece of wood that lay on the ground of the wardrobe and tears come to her eyes when she sees the little box still there where she'd left it.

She lets her fingers wander on the smooth surface and a shiver runs through her body, because it's dusty.

She thinks about opening it, but she thinks that it's better to get out of here first. She puts the little box in her bag and fixes the piece of wood and goes back to the living room where she finds House standing by the window, obviously eating something.

"Want a cookie?" he asks and holds out the cake.

"No, thanks," she says and rolls her eyes. "Let's go," she tells him and throws her key on the coffee table. She never needs to go back. Now she has everything that she needs.

She turns around and her heart stopped beating when she hears a soft "click" that came from the door. She looks over to House who almost stood beside her by that time and a second later, Marc enters the room with an unbelievable look on his face. Stacy couldn't say if it was also a mixture of fear and shock.

"What-" he wants to say in an angry voice, but House cuts him off by beating in his face and Stacy frightens by the ugly sound that it made, he nose would probably be broken.

"Sorry," he says and tries to smile innocent when she faces him. "Let's go," he says and heads toward the door.

"Can we just leave him-" she starts and looks down to Marc.

"Yes, come on, we'll leave, " House says again and she follows him out of the house without looking back.

A few minutes later when they sit in the car, she says: "You needed that for you ego, don't you?"

"Yes," he says with a grin and she shakes her head. She couldn't even be mad with him anymore although she told him so many times before that he shouldn't do it.

"Thank you," she says. "For everything."

This time, she felt better than she ever did before. She feels that she has everything she needs right now, everything she needs to start again. Maybe she needed this, this mess that her life had been the last weeks or better said the past weeks to start all over again. Maybe this is the right time to give it another try in her, sometimes not so bright, history with Gregory House. There are still a lot of unsaid things between her and Greg and also between her and Cuddy, but together they'll get through this.

It's time to start their new life and discover the secrets she now carries with her, hidden in the black bag that she keeps so close to her body and she fees so happy that she wants to cry and without carrying about it, she lets her tears flow.

Her addiction turned into something more comforting and maybe it won't do her as much harm as it did before.

**So my dear readers,**

**First of all, I'm sorry that it took me such a long time to post! I like to thank you all for keeping me writing and for all of your wonderful reviews. I feel a bit sad about telling you now that we reached the end of Addiction. I don't want to exaggerate this too much so I thought it'd be better to finish it at this point before I'll spoil it…**

… **but it would probably break my heart to stop at this point with continuing in some way!!**

**It's not really over; it's just that I finished the storyline of "Addiction". There will be a sequel called "Little box of secrets" and it'll continue where we left "Addiction". It'll be about the whole House/Cuddy/Stacy thing, but in another way!  
Please be patient and nice with me! I hope I'll "see" you again than!**

**Bye,**

**Marcia**


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